1. you look tired. (even if we do. we don’t need you to tell us. thanks!)

2. my ex would… (don’t EVEN think it. we’re already psycho about your ex-girlfriends, even if we never admit it. we don’t want to think you’re comparing us to the last girl you dipped your stick into. unless you want to hear about the last dreamboat we shared a pillow with)

3. you deserve better. OR i’m not good enough for you. (umm…are you looking for validation? because i’m not going to give it to you. all you’re going to do is convince me you lack confidence, which = unattractive. and perhaps even get me to agree. is that what you want?)

4. your mom is a bitch. (just because i’m allowed to say it doesn’t mean you are. even if she does ignore you and pretends like you don’t exist when we go over there for dinner)

5. you’re wearing that? (uhh – no, i was just showing you the contents of my closet that i never intend to wear. p.s. thanks for making me self-conscience about my outfit for the rest of the day. i had a boyfriend that would always comment on the things i wore to work. one day he looked at me and said ‘you look like a fairy princess’ while i’m a big big fan of being compared to a princess in a fairy tale, he didn’t mean it in a nice way. my puffy sleeved shirt has never been worn since.)

6. if you loved me, you’d… (seriously? don’t try to manipulate us. we’re better at it than you are.)

7. i don’t believe in monogamy (ok ok, this is one i’ve never heard from a guy. but i’ve said it. and it didn’t go over well. so, don’t make the same mistake i did.)