you can’t outsource bragging.

so, i’m the first one to toot my own horn when appropriate (and sometimes when it isn’t).

i will be the first to admit that i’m (slightly*) narcissistic. one of my favorite things to talk about is myself. i think i’m hilarious, super interesting, and fairly fascinating (especially after a little caffeine or a couple cucumber martinis).

on the flip side, i will be the first to admit when i am bad at something. when i am wrong, i admit it. i’m brutally honest…even with myself.

especially with myself.

which leads me to this year’s resolution…while as a rule, i don’t typically believe in using the new year as an excuse to make a resolution/change, i am making an exception this year. because rules are made to be broken. and i’m a rebel (at least in my own head)

i resolve to treat myself with the same kindness that i reserve for my loved ones.

…because let’s be honest, i’m a whole lot of awesome. and i’m happy to tell you all about it.

* extremely

research.

WARNING: HIGH SNARK & CRAZY FACTOR

proceed at your own risk. i’m 2 cups of coffee in and i have 2 bar method classes under my belt.

some call it ‘stalking,’ i call it ‘love.’

my best friend recently met a girl. he likes the girl. he told me her name and within 5 minutes, i had messaged him 3 photos of her.

i won’t lie, i engage in some mild to moderate facebook stalking from time to time.

the victims are typically:
a) ex-boyfriends
b) ex-girlfriends of current boyfriends

i can openly admit this now since the guy is no longer in my life…but i was on a mission one day to track down a photo of the guy i was dating’s (we’ll call him ernie*) ex-girlfriend. let me walk you through the crazy of my mind.

my first course of action was to find ernie on facebook, which i couldn’t do…he’s unsearchable. (so am i, sneaky move). i’m smarter than that though, i found his sister. which led me to him, HA!

and then, i looked through each of their friend lists to find friends they had in common. i didn’t know his ex-girlfriends name. just where she lived and her ethnicity. lo and behold, after a few clicks: i found my girl.

and then another dead end. her photo was of a child**. maybe a niece? sorta cute. mostly irritating.

but now i was armed with a name. so, i did what any intelligent researcher would do. i googled imaged her. no luck. couldn’t figure out which cute or not-so-cute face it could be.

after some more hunting i figured out where she worked…

…found her linkedin profile. and no photo! (don’t judge me, i am CURIOUS)

seriously, this chick was killing me.

although, during my delving i did find one of his previous ex girlfriends. currently married and still very much interested in him…she was on a reality tv show. not that cute (she didn’t hurt my eyes, but i am definitely easier to gaze upon). (i’m allowed to be a snot, she was bratty about me dating him ~ jealousssssssss. i am seriously snarky today). i felt fully justified in my scrutiny of her since she asked him for a photo of me and after being grouchy about someone dating her ex, she finally conceded to my looks. i mean, when your ex-boyfriend dates someone who is cuter than you there isn’t much you can say…

and then with a more recent victim, i sent the following email to a friend: i’m stalking their facebook. unblocked photos. i’m making a ‘research’ folder and emailing you photos when i’m done.

the internet is so bad for me!

i think it is evident that i am a lunatic.

…though an honest one.

*NOT his real name
**she has since updated her facebook profile pic to one of her, and i’m not impressed. or disgusted. he could do better. in fact, he did.

you’ve gotta update your fairytale, baby.

‘you live in a fantasy world’ my mom said to me about 4 years ago when i described my ideal relationship/partner to her.

‘you won’t find that. sometimes you need to train them’ my cousin advised after telling her what i wanted in a mate.

i bring a lot to the table. and i expect the same. so, while i love & respect both these women, as the eternal optimist, i refused to settle. and THANK GOODNESS.

i don’t remember the first place i was when i began to dream of the boy that would someday tell me he loved me…but i knew immediately when i first felt ‘it’.

‘falling in love consists merely of uncorking the imagination and bottling the common sense.’

the complete surrender of your heart & feelings to someone else is unnerving, but more gratifying than anything i’ve ever felt. magical.

i can’t explain the serenity that comes from knowing your heart is in the best possible hands & exactly where it’s meant to be. so, i’ll say what it seems i’ve been saying repeatedly: i’m happy.

and living my fairytale.

trust creates peace.

…says my yogi tea this morning.

and i agree.

at the risk of sounding like a broken record, i haven’t ever felt this ‘at peace’ – and not in the creepy/dead way. just happy. so so SO happy.

glad i never ever settled.

thankful i trusted the universe.

and i swoon over the message that my boyfriend sent to my bestie: The way I love my girlfriend should replace all definitions in every dictionary, descriptions in every novel & examples in religious writing.

*swoon, swoon, SWOON*

..and while i know there is no such thing as ‘perfect’ – to me, he is. perfect for me, anyway.

we will return to our regularly programmed snark & sass soon. stay tuned….