Posted on by shirindawna · 2 Comments

how the hell did this happen?

when did i get old.er?!

several years ago, (during one of my crises, not the self-induced ones that i’m notorious for ~ THAT time) one of my best friends once told me that we only get eighty-some years to do all the things we want with our lives, and we were already a quarter through our lives so we didn’t have time to waste. it was the kick in the butt i needed, at the time. well, that and watching the notebook…

but now, the concept of mortality is bringing me down. mostly my own…but occasionally my dad’s (more on that later). there is so much i want to do with my life. at times i get that restless, breathless feeling, like i’ll never be able to do it all, there aren’t enough years, i’m not that young anymore…where does the time go?!

i try to prioritize the things i want to do (mainly cuz i love making lists), but I know I won’t be satisfied unless I get to do them ALL. problem is, many of my ‘wants’ contradict the others.

i want to own a home. craftsman. or maybe mediterranean? a victorian gingerbread looking house, perhaps? it needs to have character. lots. (since i’ve eliminated mine by customizing my nose) and hardwood floors that shine and never make my place feel cold (i swear every home i’ve been to with hardwood floors feels cold. always). i want a porch. with a rocking chair. that i can sit and read in. i want a library filled with first editions. AND the pretty pink covered books that i love (fact: if a book cover has pink, i’ll read it. yes, i judge books by their covers…but not people. usually).

i want more time to read. and write. i want to write my memoirs…without caring if anyone ever reads them. i want everyone to read them. i want to conquer my fear of karaoke (yes, i’ve done it. yes, it was awful. yes, i’m still petrified. and yes, there is video.)

i want to see the world. i want to save the world. i want to make a difference. i want to matter. i want to have a baby, but not at the expense of losing my own identity. i want to be the girl in the story. i want to be the girl he’s singing about. i want to be girly. i don’t want to be anyone, but me. i want to find someone who makes me the best version of me that i can be. i want to reconcile my fear of relationships with the idea of forever that i’ve harbored since i was a little girl. i want to get married. i want to believe that marriage can work. i want to marry someone i’ll never get tired of talking to. i want to not care about grammar. i want to learn to forgive, completely. i want to never ever feel resentful.

i want to learn from my mistakes. i don’t want to make mistakes. i want to cure cancer. i want louboutins, pink, studded, boots ~ any kind at all! i want to not care about material things. i want to fix all your problems. i want to be there for my friends. i want to be worth it. i want to live up to my potential.

(and i want to write about it all. for me. and for you.)

Posted on by shirindawna

boots. boots! Boots. BOOTS. BOOTS!

i’m obsessed. i’ve always loved boots, but this year i just can’t get enough (and i still love depeche mode, so what?). it’s tough to find the perfect boots, they’ve got to fit in the leg as well as the foot…but when you do ~ ahh, bliss! you feel like a sexy cinderella.

i’ve had cowboys, ankle ones, high ones, lace up, fur lined, studded, buckled, flats, hiking, rain ones, suede, and leather. so comfy (sometimes). so versatile (ALWAYS).

boots are the bessssst. i love wearing them with skinny jeans, leggings, sweater dresses, shorts and tights, miniskirts, a-lines, and nothing at all 😉

the only thing that gets me through the cold of the brutal san diego winters is knowing that i can rock my boots. all. the. time!

brrrrrrring on the brrs. i got my boots, boots, Boots, BOOTS, BOOTS!

Posted on by shirindawna · 2 Comments

happy birthday month to me.

it’s the start of the month that marks the last year of my twenties.

seriously? when did that happen? where have i been? oh yeah, spain, kansas, d.c., key west, italy, almost cabo, vegas, nyc, mexico, monterey, fresno, palm springs, around the block, stuck in my head, the men’s locker room, and a couple other places…

it seems like yesterday when my best friend, christina, and i were tramping it up in vegas sitting on the laps of the the guys with the rock n’ roll good looks. that was EIGHT years ago. 8! really? geez. i’ve done far less with a decade than i anticipated.

some highlights. i’ve:
been to spain.
seen the running of the bulls.
had a boyfriend cheat on me.
fallen in love with san sebastian.
cried over a boy on september 11th instead of the towers.
terrorized vegas almost every weekend of 2002.
became an english major.
had my heart broken. it hurt.
done new year’s eve in times square.
cheated on a boyfriend.
gotten engaged.
lived in kansas.
broken someone’s heart.
gotten my nose pierced.
watched one of my best friends get married.
been to key west. twice.
learned to surf.
visited chicago with my best friends.
had cosmetic surgery. (yes, my nose is custom. i’m persian. it’s expected)
gotten my nose re-pierced.
traveled throughout italy with my mom.
moved in with a boyfriend.
failed at my relationship.
failed a college course.
graduated college.
scored a big-girl job.
adopted the cutest pup on the planet.
failed to train the cutest pup on the planet.
failed to cry for almost an entire year.
cried at everything for weeks.
fallen in love.
fallen out of love.
fallen in love again.
gone skydiving with my brother.
written a love letter.
written a like letter.
hurt a friend.
watched my dad battle cancer.
watched a friend lose a dad to cancer.
lost my last grandparent to cancer.
watched britney in concert three times.
became pals with cuba gooding jr.
made an ass of myself in front of usher.
stalked jt. (and britney)
baked an amazing cheesecake.
been thrown a surprise party.
peed my pants.
listened to a friend in an abusive relationship.
started a blog.

i’m having major anxiety about the start of my last year of my twenties. there’s SO much i still want to do. how in the world do you fit it all in before you die?!

i’m having so much more trouble with this year than any of the previous ones. obvi, i can’t do anything about it. and besides, ‘age only matters if you’re a cheese.’ but still, the years go by quickly. and the days so slowly…go figure.