happy monday.
hope yours is sunnier.
an intricate web of daydreams.
ever since i was little (young rather, i’m STILL little) i’ve dreamt of my perfect guy. and of course i have ‘the checklist’. every girl has an idea of what qualities her leading man should possess.
without further ado (and in no particular order):
the proverbial ‘he’ should be:
funny
intelligent
witty
sarcastic
charming
a great listener
imaginative
a wordsmith
thoughtful
a great dancer
considerate
a great storyteller
emotionally capable of intimacy
appreciative
dependable
genuine
patient
honest
loyal
open-minded
tolerant
respectful
nurturing to his loved ones
comfortable in his own skin
able to light up a room with his smile
a big believer in moderation of all things (aside from love. and s-e-x)
will my mr. forever be all these things? who knows? will i even measure up on his list? let’s be honest, i’m no walk in the park.
i’m demanding.
i’m manipulative.
i’m secretly judgmental.
i have trouble forgiving people.
i think too fast and talk too much.
i expect to be your top priority. always.
i have trouble talking about my feelings.
i can make biting, hurtful remarks when my feelings are hurt.
i’ll expect you to want to marry me even though i’m not certain i want to marry you. (or anyone)
whew! it’s a good thing i have a sweet ass.
i’ve said it before…and it bears repeating: i just want someone who makes me the best version of me i can be.
the notion of a checklist is great and all, but i’ve found that ‘good on paper’ isn’t necessary good for me.
love is for people who are realistic…and for people who realize that a real relationship IS the ultimate fantasy.
i’ve had enough so-so for the rest of my life.
there are few things worse than watching your friend settle for someone who isn’t good enough for them. i just can’t wrap my head around the concept of settling. i mean, sure…nobody is perfect and all that, but they can be perfect for you .
it’s no secret. finding “the one” is no easy feat. if you’ve found that person (or think you have ~ for now, good for you, i’m happy for you. thrilled. ecstatic. and possibly a little envious. if you haven’t, then i can relate.
the media pervades our minds with ideas of forever…and not a realistic version of it. we’re supposed to find ‘the one’ and live happily ever after. don’t get me wrong. i’m secretly a hopeless romantic and i loooooove the all the cheesy movies that are responsible for my lack of clarity when i fall for a boy. but all that said, one does need to keep a level head and realize (sadly) that these situation just don’t tend to happen in real life.
happy endings don’t just materialize after your lost glass slipper created by your fairy godmother is placed on your foot. you have to fight (fairly) for them. and want them. and believe in them. it’s not easy, it takes work. and most people aren’t willing to do what it takes (hence our divorce rate). or maybe we just don’t know HOW to do it? maybe our parents didn’t set the best example? maybe our family is filled with cheaters and liars and we’re unable to figure out how to make a good, healthy relationship work. true love isn’t forever unless you’re really interested in making it work. and based on our fat, lazy society…how many people look like they’re interested in anything that takes any work?
sorry if that’s a little hard to swallow, but i sincerely believe this. for example, i LOVE food. LOVE it. i love sweets, i love peanut butter, i love chips, i LOVE lemon month at souplantation, i love it all. but guess what? i also love fitting into my pants…so, i’ve come to accept that it takes work. it takes exercise, moderation, and constant work. it’s a sad, true fact.
i’m no stranger to love. i’ve loved several times…and several times thought it was my ‘forever love,’ but every time – it didn’t last. the reasons were different each time…but it all essentially boiled down to the same thing: we changed. and grew apart.
my 20 year-old self wanted something very different than my (almost) 30 year-old self does. and my 25 year-old self wanted something completely different than my 27 year-old self…what i’m getting at is: people change…it’s inevitable, but the key seems to be finding someone you can grow with. clearly it happens. otherwise we wouldn’t see couples celebrating 50 year anniversaries. i’m always curious about these couples. are they still in love? were they ever? when the butterflies and sparks fade, what remains?
this has basically just turned into a stream of consciousness at this point…thoughts and ideas on love, relationships…i realize i’m all over the place, but that’s how i am on the subject in general. at least, for now. so, look for love. and be romantic, but remember to use wise mind and in the end, if the love you’ve found doesn’t work then cherish the good memories and look forward to great times ahead.
our experiences will all be different, but in the end, that’s all you have: your own story. and your own experiences by which to define love.
and who knows? maybe you’ll be one of the lucky ones celebrating your 50 year anniversary…
please boys, learn to spell.
there is nothing (well, virtually nothing) that turns me off faster than bad grammar or spelling. i completely fail to understand how this epidemic came to be. boys can’t spell (neither can girls for that matter). and it’s sad.
if you’re smart, witty, funny, can spell, and can quote a few books then chances are: i’ll dig you. looks aren’t really that important (to me, anyway). unless we’re talking about my current bf, who is arguably the cutest thing i’ve ever seen. and i think he gets cuter daily. while i just get closer to needing botox. it’s not fair.
i digress. there is no excuse for not knowing basic spelling and the differences between words like: there, they’re, their or your and you’re. while i’m a big, huge advocate of working on your fitness – i don’t think you should neglect your brain.
while we’re on it:
be honest.
be real.
be loyal.
be faithful.
be funny.
even if you are not a wordsmith, as long as there is earnest love in every syllable, we will never cease to be impressed. or to fall. it’s no secret that the way to my heart is with words (genuine ones). and yes, i’ve fallen in love via text. and email. more than once.
i’ve heard ‘if you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.’ and while i tend to agree. it’s a little different with me. (what isn’t?) if you can paint me pictures. with words. i’m yours.
so boys. please, please, please, please, please learn to spell. for all the intelligent single gals out there who deserve a smart fella.
thank you.
more than meets the eye.
so, i am a bit (read: big, huge, giant) of a hypocrite.
i will admit. i used to cheat. on everyone.
granted…it was always on my way out of a relationship, but still. it doesn’t make it right and i don’t make excuses for my own bad behavior. it was wrong. i was wrong. and i should’ve ended one relationship before starting another. sadly, i was young and dumb and guilty of the occasional overlap.
once a cheater always a cheater? i don’t think so. at least i hope not. the recent media coverage of philandering husbands has really helped put things in perspective. i mean, what’s the point? why get married if you’re not ready to be with just one person?
what has changed me? empathy. (translation: it happened to me. and it HURT). from there i morphed into the jealous girlfriend…to the ‘do whatever you want’ girlfriend…to the ‘do what i tell you’ girlfriend..to whoever i am now (read: i’d like to explain but it’s constantly changing/evolving). the way i see it: i’d never do anything i wasn’t comfortable with my partner doing. and if he doesn’t feel the same way and is willing to jeopardize ‘all of this’ (no time for modesty, i’m the total package) then he doesn’t deserve me.
so there it is. a confession and a lesson. happy transforming!
sdinsd 