one year after losing my baba, it really is a matter of life & death. as i prepare to bring my first little into the world, i am missing my dad more than ever.

in his last few months, he promised me he would stick around to meet his grand babies. and the thing is, i know he’s keeping his word. i feel him with me and around me more than ever before…it may sound absurd, but the feeling of love, peace, and protection seems to have amplified since discovering i am fulfilling not only my greatest wish, but my dad’s as well.

before i ever knew i was pregnant i had dreams of my dad telling me how thrilled he was to finally be a grandpop. dreams that were hilarious to me at the time because i had no idea they were my reality…

i don’t believe in coincidences and i firmly believe that there is some divine intervention at work here. the universe always keeps a balance. i had an inkling that having my own child would somehow reconnect me with my dad, i just never knew how comforting or peaceful it would be.

he taught me to look up when things got tough. see the sky, drink in the world, work hard, play hard and believe that who you are is good enough. if someone doesn’t like it – then that’s their malfunction. on this first anniversary of my dad’s passing, i remember, with gratitude, my dad.

he loved us with the fiercest devotion i’ve ever witnessed. unconditional love, for life and beyond. i knew that then, and i feel it now.

as an adult, when i reflect on the people and places that make up my memories, i know that his was the single greatest influence on me. i have his eyes, his nose, his lips, and his ability to love, but that’s not what i mean…

he introduced me to art in all its forms. from beethoven’s 9th to the writings of shakespeare and poe; to the rugged majesty of athletes, as well as the magic of the theatre…no medium escaped his interest.

my dad stayed curious. he got older, but his spirit never did. it lit up a room until his dying day. his example is a legacy i aspire to.

i miss you everyday, dad.

while celebrating the life of the person i loved most, i am beyond happy to welcome a new addition to our family. it may not be father’s day to the whole world, but it is for me…a day of remembrance and gratefulness.

i can’t wait to shower my little sweet pea with the unconditional love that you provided me.