the lost years…

we have so much to cover. i will be bringing back the old entries…should i scrub the offensive stuff or not? i said some wild things, i stand by most of them…and also, i’m a person, i’ve changed, i’ve grown (not vertically).

it’s hard to believe this started 14 years ago, when i was in my 20s. it felt right to bring it back today, on my 43rd birthday. so much has happened and i’m a completely different me than the girl who first sat down at her laptop to write about love and boys, and share her thoughts with her friends (and a few strangers). and yet, i’m still sitting here writing about love…and boys (maybe a couple exclusively now). full circle, i suppose. it feels like me. it feels right.

if you are an ex, this is your warning to STOP READING now. i will be detailing your bad behavior and if you’ve gotten a pass till now, i hope you enjoyed your peace. (i can anticipate the messages coming and let’s save ourselves the time. the terrible thing you’re thinking of, yes – i will be mentioning it.)

let’s talk about the breakups.

let’s talk about the miscarriages.

let’s talk about the wedding.

let’s talk about cancer.

let’s talk about how i’ve never met a bridge i didn’t want to burn.

let’s talk about the boy.

let’s talk about his baba.

let’s talk about my baba.

let’s talk about how i finally get to do what i’ve always wanted.

it’s about a boy.

it’s about a boy (isn’t it always?).

it’s about how it’s different this time (how many times have i claimed that?).

it’s about unconditional love.

it’s about how he broke my heart wide open.

it’s about wishing my dad could’ve met him.

it’s about how i can’t get enough of him.

it’s about how he murmurs “i love you” while he’s sleeping.

it’s about how the cracks in my heart started to mend.

it’s about the way he scrunches his nose.

it’s about understanding what my baba was talking about.

it’s about how he tells me his heart is full of me.

it’s about how it almost didn’t happen.

it’s about persistence.

it’s about wishing on dandelions.

it’s about hummingbirds.

it’s about trucks.

it’s about books.

it’s about how he really knows me.

it’s about laughter.

it’s about tears.

it’s about what really matters.

it’s about healing.

it’s about how he changed me.

it’s about how words fail.

it’s about writing again (though i never stopped).

it’s about time.