according to charlotte york (if you don’t know who she is, stop reading immediately. i won’t make sense to you) you only get two great loves of your life. i like it when people apply tangible things, like: numbers. to intangible things, like: love.

cue: emotional mind.

love. it’s like magic, only better. cuz it’s real. right? i mean, i can’t touch it, but i can feel it. i can’t see it, but i can show it. in any case, (in the wise wise words of the monkees) i’m a believer.

pop culture has successfully influenced me. year after year of sappy romantic comedies, angsty pop music, and dramatic tv shows has convinced me. true love CAN exist. (although, if the latter is any indication, eventually he’ll sleep with my best friend. and probably my mom. who was once thought to be dead. but she isn’t now. and through it all, i have perfect hair. you know what? let’s scratch tv shows from the list. they aren’t sending the right message AT ALL) anyway, i digress…let’s just assume it’s true what they’ve been feeding us: we too can have perfect movie (the notebook)/song (just the way you are) LOVE.

i want so badly to believe that it’s true. so, when i fall in love, i fall HARD. i fall for real. and i fall completely. people find this hard to believe because of my confident, self-assured, independent, and witty (read: often insecure, sometimes jealous, reformed clingy girlfriend and really just dorky) persona.

don’t get me wrong, i’ve had my share of heartbreaks (summer of sin 2005, anyone?). i’ve given up too soon, i’ve held on too long. i’ve been unforgiving, i’ve been too forgiving. i’ve given too much, i’ve taken more than my share. i’ve told lies, i’ve been too honest…yet i’ve never given up hope. while i don’t subscribe to the soulmate theory, i DO believe that there is someone special out there for each one of us. someone who can help us fulfill our dreams, compliment our personalities, make us laugh, make us think, challenge us to be better individuals, give us butterflies AND get us off (sorry baba)… we all have the ability to find someone who can make us happy, REALLY (i can’t get this grin off my face cuz i’m so super in love) happy.

finding your someone is no easy task. it is difficult. it is trying. and sometimes, just when you think things are going great, you’re completely blindsighted by a breakup. a breakup that feels like it’s physically hurting you…you lose your appetite, you can’t sleep, you cry nonstop, you can’t understand WHY?!, you talk about him to anyone who will listen, you pretend to be better, you leave the house, you put on makeup, you dance with other boys, you laugh, you flirt, you see him with another girl. you get blackout drunk. you lose your nose ring. puke. wash. rinse. repeat.

through it all though, we can’t seem to stop trying. and we can’t seem to give up or stop believing for one second that our someone (or someones, as the case may very well be) is out there.

sorry char, but you can’t quantify love. it isn’t rational. it just isn’t. it doesn’t always make sense. but it feels amazing. and it’s magical…and for that, i’m still willing to walk face-first into the dark and pray that maybe somehow, this time it’ll work out. (fingers crossed, here’s hoping!)