Posted on by shirindawna

choose happy.

someone once told me: good things don’t come easy. and love leaves hard.

and while i may have once agreed with that statement. (emphatically!) i don’t now.

i have learned that good things pop up when you least expect or anticipate them. and that love doesn’t need to leave hard. sometimes it goes and even though you thought you’d be devastated, you find yourself smiling. bigger than you ever have. or thought was possible.

and through it all, you write.
you write because you need to.
because you love it.
because without it you feel incomplete.
because it’s your disease, your vice, and your obsession.
because it’s what makes you feel right in your skin.
because it’s one of the few times you allow yourself to be completely vulnerable.
because it’s how you connect.
because there is nothing in the world that liberates you in the same way.
and because it makes you happy.

i hope everyone has as happy a heart as i do.

happy hump day.

Posted on by shirindawna · 1 Comment

a pickle can never be a cucumber.

a couple weeks ago i found myself in the midst of a pickle. regarding a boy. one from my past. after being away for nearly 2 years, he was back in sd (the city). and wanted to be in sd (the person ~ i’m crass, get over it). and while i had real feelings for said boy at one point, i found myself fairly uninterested in a reunion.

it seemed pointless to me. and i wondered if somehow i was operating out of fear. the thought of conquering any fears and his constant insistence that we meet up led me to finally agree. he wanted to come to my place (shocking, right? scumbag alert #1). i refused. and we settled upon a smoothie place. i was ordering when he arrived. he walked up & placed his order too. i already had my wallet out. he didn’t reach for his. (scumbag alert #2). now, don’t get me wrong…when it comes to boys i could date a prince or a pauper, makes no difference to me as long as he’s genuine. but i still think he should’ve sprung for the smoothie. and i was irritated that he didn’t. i may be crass, i may be too honest, but i’m still old-fashioned. i don’t kiss on first dates and think boys should pay for things (at least in the beginning…because everyone knows once i’m yours, i’ll give you everything in the world. except anal pleasure). and i’m worth it.

i was tempted to leave, but took a deep breath and decided to make the most of my brief time with him. it was a chilly day. we were sitting outside and it got breezy. he suggested we go to my place. NOT HAPPENING. so, then he suggested we sit in a warm car. i knew what he was hoping would happen, but i had goosebumps (from the cold. not him) and so i went with it…

what he had in mind was very different from what i had in mind. and i struggled to keep the conversation platonic and neutral. he could sense my frostiness. in fact, he once referred to me as an ‘ice queen.’ hardly! my real friends know i wear my heart on my sleeve and i’m always hopeful about the potential that exists within a connection. he couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that someone wouldn’t be interested in him. news flash: it takes more than a pretty face to enthrall me. then, i saw the lightbulb go off in his head ‘you met someone.’ umm, not so much. more like i got to know myself better. and what i need. and it wasn’t what was in front of me.

it struck me that this boy that i had once been so interested in wasn’t nearly as appealing as he had been. truth be told, i didn’t find him appealing at all. (the discovery of some ‘white lies’ he told didn’t help the matter. be honest, boys! ALWAYS. or you’ll lose a great thing. namely, me.)

the cucumber had soured. and would never be the same.

Posted on by shirindawna

mediocrity.

is lame.

i can’t imagine settling for anything less than my personal best. life is too precious for mediocre. and frankly, i’m too good for that.

who wants to be average? sounds mundane. and yawn-inducing. i have no interest.

truth is, i’ve never been able to do anything with half my heart anyway. and i can’t wrap my head around why you’d want to…

so i’m pushing forward. breaking down walls. and taking no prisoners. (unless they’re very dreamy and can make me laugh)

Posted on by shirindawna

the sound of music.

while on vacation with my best friend and her husband this week, she insisted that i talk to the guy that was singing along with the live band we were watching.

bestie: shirin! come talk to this guy, he’s got pipes.
me: (to her husband) yeah, but he doesn’t have looks.
bestie: he’s such a great singer!
me: (to her husband) will you tell your wife i’m trying to start a family, not a band.

i don’t know how i got to be this funny.

Posted on by shirindawna · 1 Comment

say yes to life.

great advice given to me by someone who ‘gets it.’

a motto he lives by and i admire.

to be completely candid (i always am), i’m so great at doing this when i’m single, but have trouble reconciling my committed self with my spontaneous and unpredictable single lady status.

i suppose that’s natural… it’s a challenge to maintain a relationship if you’re constantly running around all over the place. or is it?

time will tell.

but until i find a boy whose company i enjoy as much of that of my bestie, i’ll be maintaining my single lady status.

~ looking forward to spending time with one of my favorites. sdinsf.