breathe.
dog is my co-pilot.
last week my best friend’s fiance left for his bachelor party.
their dog would NOT stop crying about it. seriously…nonstop howling.
so, i did what any fabulous aunt would do. i grabbed his face, looked him deep in the eyes and said ‘he’s gone. he isn’t coming back. get over it.’
and then my best friend laughed and said, ‘that’s what he’s saying to you’
touche. (and probably the funniest thing i’ve heard in a long time! ex oh, dee dee)
boy, don’t try to front…
fact.
he was:
a) a dreamboat
b) hilarious
c) fun to be with
d) easy to talk to
e) the perfect mix of sweetheart and asshole…
f) a colleague (which brings me to g)
g) off limits
i had a crush on a co-worker for about a year before i ever had a real conversation with him. he was funny. he was sweet. he was charming. he was italian. and he was: gorgeous.
for the first year i worked with him, i thought he had a girlfriend. and by the time we became pals, i was jussssssst out of a relationship and having fun dating everyone and their dads (brothers, uncles, cousins, nephews). besides – i had a strict ‘don’t shit where you eat’ policy. the fact is, i liked my job…and nothing good ever comes from dating a co-worker. so, we were friends. i told him about my endless dating disasters and he told me about the endless number of girls throwing themselves at him (i could hardly blame them – i’m telling you…the boy was delicious – complete & pure yumminess). being friends worked for us. until one night…
he called me and told me that he had officially put in his 2 weeks notice at work (he was moving back home to go back to school) and therefore we were no longer co-workers…which meant, we could date. huuuuuuuuuuh?! my head almost exploded.
he had a crush too?!
what’s a gal to do?
when a dreamy hunkahunka burnin’ love is trying to nudge the dating door open, you kick that shit wide OPEN!
my best friend was having a dinner party the next night and so, i took him. our first date: me. and my best girls. it had the potential to be completely awkward, but it never was. he was the perfect date. i fell a little in love with him that night. and i think my best friend did too. the only thing wrong was knowing he’d be moving across the country in a couple months…
up until that point, he was literally the most perfect guy i had ever met. well, not perfect, but at the time: perfect, for me. i was pretty crazy about him, briefly. the problem was, we were very very alike. manipulative, alpha types who both need to be in control of our relationships. so, i was never able to let myself really fall. i was always holding back. i like to think of it as self-preservation. walls are there to protect me. and i’m not silly enough to fall head over heels for a casanova. no matter how charming. who knows what would’ve happened if he hadn’t moved away? but ‘what if’ is a waste of time. i’m grateful for the time we spent together. and he’ll always have some real estate in my heart. even if it does belong to someone else.
an intricate web of daydreams.
ever since i was little (young rather, i’m STILL little) i’ve dreamt of my perfect guy. and of course i have ‘the checklist’. every girl has an idea of what qualities her leading man should possess.
without further ado (and in no particular order):
the proverbial ‘he’ should be:
funny
intelligent
witty
sarcastic
charming
a great listener
imaginative
a wordsmith
thoughtful
a great dancer
considerate
a great storyteller
emotionally capable of intimacy
appreciative
dependable
genuine
patient
honest
loyal
open-minded
tolerant
respectful
nurturing to his loved ones
comfortable in his own skin
able to light up a room with his smile
a big believer in moderation of all things (aside from love. and s-e-x)
will my mr. forever be all these things? who knows? will i even measure up on his list? let’s be honest, i’m no walk in the park.
i’m demanding.
i’m manipulative.
i’m secretly judgmental.
i have trouble forgiving people.
i think too fast and talk too much.
i expect to be your top priority. always.
i have trouble talking about my feelings.
i can make biting, hurtful remarks when my feelings are hurt.
i’ll expect you to want to marry me even though i’m not certain i want to marry you. (or anyone)
whew! it’s a good thing i have a sweet ass.
i’ve said it before…and it bears repeating: i just want someone who makes me the best version of me i can be.
the notion of a checklist is great and all, but i’ve found that ‘good on paper’ isn’t necessary good for me.
love is for people who are realistic…and for people who realize that a real relationship IS the ultimate fantasy.
please boys, learn to spell.
there is nothing (well, virtually nothing) that turns me off faster than bad grammar or spelling. i completely fail to understand how this epidemic came to be. boys can’t spell (neither can girls for that matter). and it’s sad.
if you’re smart, witty, funny, can spell, and can quote a few books then chances are: i’ll dig you. looks aren’t really that important (to me, anyway). unless we’re talking about my current bf, who is arguably the cutest thing i’ve ever seen. and i think he gets cuter daily. while i just get closer to needing botox. it’s not fair.
i digress. there is no excuse for not knowing basic spelling and the differences between words like: there, they’re, their or your and you’re. while i’m a big, huge advocate of working on your fitness – i don’t think you should neglect your brain.
while we’re on it:
be honest.
be real.
be loyal.
be faithful.
be funny.
even if you are not a wordsmith, as long as there is earnest love in every syllable, we will never cease to be impressed. or to fall. it’s no secret that the way to my heart is with words (genuine ones). and yes, i’ve fallen in love via text. and email. more than once.
i’ve heard ‘if you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.’ and while i tend to agree. it’s a little different with me. (what isn’t?) if you can paint me pictures. with words. i’m yours.
so boys. please, please, please, please, please learn to spell. for all the intelligent single gals out there who deserve a smart fella.
thank you.
sdinsd 