i can’t sleep.

as i lie in bed & listen to the sky dump water, i can’t help but think of the boy that used to sleep next to me. he loved to fall asleep to the sound of the rain. how ironical that it’s now the reason i’m unable to sleep…

as i type that i realize it isn’t entirely true. i had trouble falling asleep earlier. and the sky hadn’t started crying yet.

i was thinking about a boy then too…as i often do. not one from my past this time, i don’t make a habit of visiting there. one from my present. and hopefully my future. i feel anxious typing that. like i’m jinxing something.

i shared that sentiment with my bestie today. i told her i’m happy for what i have today & am not brave enough to wish for more.

her reply was ‘you don’t have to be brave to wish for something.’

so, i’m wishing…that he’ll be the next one i listen to the rain with. and if i’m very lucky, the last.

it feels brave to admit. even if it isn’t.