in the past i’ve gone out a limb assuming that i wouldn’t be alone out there, only to find i’m dangling on the edge of a branch. all. by. myself.
…which has sucked.
but the truth is: i would never. ever. take that treacherous branch crawl back. i grew up climbing trees. the ground is boring. and tomorrow isn’t promised.
so, i’m keeping my hopes up. staying optimistic. and hoping that maybe this time will be different…
i have a theory. regarding kitchen appliances and love. namely ovens and stovetops.
i affectionally refer to it as my back burner theory.
if you know me at all, you know i’m a big big fan of honesty. i’m not into wasting other people’s time. or my own.
which is why this back burner thing is slightly disturbing to me.
example, i met a boy. i really liked him. thought he was interesting, attractive, could match wits. i was interested. but then he asked me one day ‘this girl likes me, how do i blow her off?’
cue record scratching sound. i said ‘why not try honesty? something along the lines of: i’m just not feeling a romantic connection.’ when i’m not feeling it, i let it be known. i’m all about cutting people loose when i need to.
he thought that was mean. his solution was to make up an excuse and keep stringing her along. (i.e. put her on the back burner.) i think the truth is kinder. i’d rather tell someone i’m not feeling it and let them move on. allow them to find someone who feels the same way they do. when i explained this to the boy and called him out the back burner thing, he said ‘i have a big stove top’. i immediately became uninterested. anyone that needs to keep people around for reassurance that badly is not right for me.
my stove top is small and only has room for front burners.
as an aside, regarding the photo for this post: i waited over 6 years for this lovely mixer. i asked for it for every birthday/christmas/valentine’s day/fourth of july/monday/tuesday/wednesday/thursday/friday/saturday/sunday. finally, for my 30th birthday, my bestie gifted it to me. it’s everything i dreamed of. and more. just like her. and whether there is a boy in my life or not, she’ll always be a front burner.
a rhett butler.
i need to be kissed. and often.
‘by someone who knows how.’
a bad boy with a good heart.
mostly sweet, but a little naughty.
…a lot like me.
two years ago, i got the most tragic news. my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.
it changed my whole world.
for an entire year, i was numb. i didn’t cry. i didn’t feel. i didn’t realize i had completely shut down.
it wasn’t until i met a dear, sweet boy who had experienced love, loss, and lived to tell that i even realized how far removed i was.
he broke my thumb. and broke my heart. wide. open.
he’s no longer in my life, but i think of him every single day. and i’m thankful that even though we didn’t have the ending we once dreamed of, he renewed my hope in love and partnerships. we may not talk. we may not text. but he’ll forever remain in my heart as one of my fondest memories and i wish him all the love and happiness in the world.
merry xxxmas to you. wherever you are.
and thank you. for being my human heater, melting the ice, and breaking down all my walls.
i’ve been indulging myself in some serious sex & the city time.
and big is infuriating. failing to commit. refusing to introduce carrie to his mother. and then running off to paris only to marry someone else? ew! and what’s worse is that after all that carrie still doesn’t value herself enough to cut ties with him.
now, i love me some carrie. i really really do. i love the clothes. i love the writing (duh). and i love her relationship with her friends. and i relate to all of it…but the big thing i can’t get on board with.
big is self-absorbed, not interested in getting to know her friends, and completely unavailable. aidan is sweet, great with his hands, funny, and isn’t afraid of commitment. NO BRAINER.
so, while i do have a post-it as a lovely remnant of my last relationship and a closet (or three) full of clothing, for me, it’s always been aidan.
sdinsd 