Posted on by shirindawna

oh boy.

i’m single again.

which means i’m dating. and guys are weird. and also amazing. and strange. and dreamy.

it’s no secret that i’m hoping to find my mr. forever. and if the recent boys are any indication of what’s out there, i’m simultaneously nervous and excited. i’ve been lukewarm about the whole dating thing recently…i like being single because it lets me focus on my favorite thing, me.

my absolute favorite thing about dating (besides the possibility of love) are the stories. every date ends in a fabulous story that i get to share with my best friends. (and you)

for example, there was one boy whose calls i avoided for over a year (if this sounds like it might be you. please stop reading. seriously. stop.) and then one day i decided maybe i wrote him off too quickly…so, we went out. (did i mention he lives over an hour away and drove down here just to take me out? i called it sweet, my brother called it desperate) regardless, it was a lovely time. he was considerate, nice, made corny jokes, opened my door for me, let me hide behind him during the scary parts of the haunted house, and didn’t try once to smooch me (which would have totally scared me off, i’m a little skiddish). so, i went out with him again. and (here’s where it gets good) he downloaded every single P!nk album ever made because he knew she’s my favorite. umm…trying too hard? now, i’m a big big fan of music…and i’ve been won over more than once by a mix tape, but this was too much. and then it got worse. he turned out to be one of those people that agrees with everything you say…doesn’t really form his own opinions. i was annoyed within 10 minutes. i found him completely obnoxious. which is unfortunate because he genuinely is a nice guy. boring. but nice. but i’m looking for a hell of a lot more than just ‘nice’.

then, there’s the dreamboat that i met over 6 months ago. i was involved at the time, so nothing happened. (i’m a good girlfriend) but we reconnected (thank you, facebook!) and he’s the perfect blend of sweetheart and asshole. intelligent, attractive, funny, and smooches like a dream. it’s rare for me to click with someone, so when i do – i don’t take it lightly. i’m not doodling his name in my journal yet, but he’s been taking up a lot of real estate in my head recently. and i rather like it.

it’s refreshing to know that there are still boys out there who can make you swoon and make you think. i like being challenged and i love me a smart boy (especially when he’s toned, tan, fit, and ready). i’m thankful that in the course of a week i’ve gone from lukewarm to hot for someone.

and grateful that when it comes to love (or like), i’m always optimistic.

Posted on by shirindawna

boy, don’t try to front…

fact.
he was:
a) a dreamboat
b) hilarious
c) fun to be with
d) easy to talk to
e) the perfect mix of sweetheart and asshole…
f) a colleague (which brings me to g)
g) off limits

i had a crush on a co-worker for about a year before i ever had a real conversation with him. he was funny. he was sweet. he was charming. he was italian. and he was: gorgeous.

for the first year i worked with him, i thought he had a girlfriend. and by the time we became pals, i was jussssssst out of a relationship and having fun dating everyone and their dads (brothers, uncles, cousins, nephews). besides – i had a strict ‘don’t shit where you eat’ policy. the fact is, i liked my job…and nothing good ever comes from dating a co-worker. so, we were friends. i told him about my endless dating disasters and he told me about the endless number of girls throwing themselves at him (i could hardly blame them – i’m telling you…the boy was delicious – complete & pure yumminess). being friends worked for us. until one night…

he called me and told me that he had officially put in his 2 weeks notice at work (he was moving back home to go back to school) and therefore we were no longer co-workers…which meant, we could date. huuuuuuuuuuh?! my head almost exploded.

he had a crush too?!

what’s a gal to do?

when a dreamy hunkahunka burnin’ love is trying to nudge the dating door open, you kick that shit wide OPEN!

my best friend was having a dinner party the next night and so, i took him. our first date: me. and my best girls. it had the potential to be completely awkward, but it never was. he was the perfect date. i fell a little in love with him that night. and i think my best friend did too. the only thing wrong was knowing he’d be moving across the country in a couple months…

up until that point, he was literally the most perfect guy i had ever met. well, not perfect, but at the time: perfect, for me. i was pretty crazy about him, briefly. the problem was, we were very very alike. manipulative, alpha types who both need to be in control of our relationships. so, i was never able to let myself really fall. i was always holding back. i like to think of it as self-preservation. walls are there to protect me. and i’m not silly enough to fall head over heels for a casanova. no matter how charming. who knows what would’ve happened if he hadn’t moved away? but ‘what if’ is a waste of time. i’m grateful for the time we spent together. and he’ll always have some real estate in my heart. even if it does belong to someone else.

Posted on by shirindawna

losing faith.

lately i’ve been bombarded with stories about cheaters/liars/jerkface boys. it makes me so so sad.

‘i want so badly to believe that there is truth and love is real’

i don’t understand. what’s the point of being in a relationship if you’re gonna cheat and lie and run around? if that’s what you wanna do, go be single! i just don’t get it.

in all fairness, i’ve been guilty of boyfriend borrowing. it wasn’t intentional. and i was young. and selfish. and very, very different. now, i know better. (read: got a taste of my own medicine and it was BITTER!)

in any case, i don’t condone cheating. or lying (unless it’s absolutely necessary. for instance: no, i’ve had those boots forever! i didn’t just buy them yesterday during my lunch break).

one (read: several) of my ex-boyfriends think it’s okay to text me obscene comments about umm…you know…the ‘stuff’ (mom, dad, and current boyfriend: i have NEVER done anything inappropriate, not till i’m married, i promise!) anyway, it’s gross. pathetic. and really really sucky for their new girls. at one point i may have found it flattering. i mean, i love the idea that my exes are all sitting at home crying over losing the best thing they ever had. but now, i just feel horribly for their new girlfriends. and of course it sends me down the whole ‘was he doing this while we were together?!’ path. and that road is just ugly. so, i’m staying off it.

but seriously, all the stories about liars and cheaters make me sick to my stomach. and make me want to never get married or trust anyone. it’s sad.

please world, stop making me sad.

Posted on by shirindawna · 1 Comment

i’d do anything for love.

i’m a giver.

in a relationship (and i don’t just mean romantic), i will give and give and give…

it’s just what i do.

my ex-bf said it makes me who i am and it’s what makes me comfortable in my skin. i don’t know about the last part, but the way i see it. if i can help someone i care about, why wouldn’t i?

the problem i’ve seen with givers (and i may be projecting a little here…) is knowing your limits. i’m typically great with boundaries and limits…EXCEPT when i’m in love or when dealing with a close friend/family member.

unfortunately, i’ve encountered people who just take. all the time. it’s like they only have a ‘receive’ button – and no ‘send’. these people are exhausting. mentally and emotionally. they’ll drain your energy and your patience. for any relationship to work, there needs to be a back and forth. otherwise, resentment starts to creep in. also, if you’re the only one giving, you’re never allowing the other person to give to the relationship and you aren’t giving yourself a chance to experience the other side.

bottom line: if you’re giving, make sure the other person is too. don’t fall into the trap of dealing with people that deplete your energy, patience, and desire to help others!

now. go forth into the world and make it better!

Posted on by shirindawna · 1 Comment

on love…

sometimes (often), i mistype things. i was at work one day chatting with my favorite IM buddy and i intended to say something about being in love when i accidentally typed ‘on love.’ and you know what? it actually makes more sense.

you’re not so much ‘in’ love as you are ‘on’ it, like a drug. that’s why coming off it (break ups) are SO hard. love detox. nothing worse.

i won’t get into the whole euphoria, exhilaration aspect of it. because it’s cliched. and i hate cliches. and i know that hating cliches is SO cliched.

anyway, my point is. i’m on love. and it’s delightful. and scary. and seriously makes all your shit come out (read: i’ve got some major issues).