one of my favorite dinnertime conversations with my husband is when we discuss who we would date if a tragic, early death befell the other.
it’s so morbid.
it’s so fun.
it’s such a treat to be with someone who is secure (despite all my efforts).
side note: he has excellent taste. (obvs, we knew this, but these discussions have really driven the point home).
worst case scenario, he’s planning to jump into some of my online groups and ask “who in here has a red light?” and use that as a starting point. brilliant, actually (if he’s looking for another me, which…of course he is). if you happen to see him lurking in there, offer your condolences.
after all, anyone who knows me knows i’m a planner…and a wise woman once said “there’s no such thing as bad thoughts…only your actions talk.”
naturally, my second favorite thing is texting all our picks to enlighten/warn them.
when i met my husband, i was dating other people. i was dating so many other people that my friends required a spreadsheet to keep track (it was a thrilling time).
from the beginning, things were different, but i had been wrong before and wasn’t ready to trust that this time would be any different. there was an ease with him that i hadn’t previously experienced. through the years, this ease, this comfort, hasn’t waned.
our biggest conflict came early on when he confessed that before he met me he promised his ex that he would help her move cross-country. only weeks after us meeting, he was supposed to be moving his ex to my town. it was a strange place to be in with someone i didn’t really know that well. through this conflict, i learned that he’s loyal, honest, and not conflict avoidant. hot. Hot. HOT!
it was the perfect storm to turn me into a jealous and crazed maniac, but the truth is: if he wanted to be with her, he would be. and if he thought that he would be happier with someone else, that’s where i would want him to be.
long conversations, shared humor, and an understanding that went beyond words led us to fall in love quickly. we moved in together after 6 weeks (‘there goes the spreadsheet’ exclaimed my friends) and despite claiming he didn’t want to get married, we were engaged by the end of that first year.
and here’s what very few people know…we were married on the one year anniversary of meeting. one year to the day of that chance encounter in the coffee shop, we went to the courthouse and exchanged vows. it was lovely. it was romantic. it was just for us.
neither of us wanted a big wedding, but i have a large family…so, we had one. and it was a blast. we had the best of both worlds. one for us. one for everyone else.
when i was pregnant with our son, we spent months coming up with a name. side note: naming a child is a lot of pressure.
‘why don’t we give him your last name? for your dad.’ he suggested over lunch one day.
this made me fall in love with him all over again. so many men i’ve loved in the past would’ve insisted on using their last name.
thank goodness, we ditched the spreadsheet for the one person who made me want to give him my wild. and a child.
i was recently on a picturesque trip with my family including my mother-in-law and one of my best friends flew out to meet us. this bestie was talking about an upcoming trip to nyc and i exclaimed “oh, i love nyc! i got engaged there” and then realized the company i was in and clarified to my mother-in-law that it wasn’t to her son. she responded “but it was just for a night, right?” confused, i asked her what she meant. she brought up the failed attempt by a former suitor to impulsively fly me out and woo me, that has since become a standing joke in my family (if you haven’t heard the story before, don’t worry, i’ll be putting it back up).
me: no, that was a different guy.
mother-in-law: oh, was it the guy who was messaging you last time i visited?
me: nooo, that was a different guy…
mother-in-law: oh. so, i guess i don’t know about who you’re talking about.
we have so much to cover. i will be bringing back the old entries…should i scrub the offensive stuff or not? i said some wild things, i stand by most of them…and also, i’m a person, i’ve changed, i’ve grown (not vertically).
it’s hard to believe this started 14 years ago, when i was in my 20s. it felt right to bring it back today, on my 43rd birthday. so much has happened and i’m a completely different me than the girl who first sat down at her laptop to write about love and boys, and share her thoughts with her friends (and a few strangers). and yet, i’m still sitting here writing about love…and boys (maybe a couple exclusively now). full circle, i suppose. it feels like me. it feels right.
if you are an ex, this is your warning to STOP READING now. i will be detailing your bad behavior and if you’ve gotten a pass till now, i hope you enjoyed your peace. (i can anticipate the messages coming and let’s save ourselves the time. the terrible thing you’re thinking of, yes – i will be mentioning it.)
let’s talk about the breakups.
let’s talk about the miscarriages.
let’s talk about the wedding.
let’s talk about cancer.
let’s talk about how i’ve never met a bridge i didn’t want to burn.
let’s talk about the boy.
let’s talk about his baba.
let’s talk about my baba.
let’s talk about how i finally get to do what i’ve always wanted.
today while going through some old writing, i discovered that i had jotted down a little snippet of conversation that occurred several years ago while out at dinner with an old flame.
like most things i find amusing, i decided to share this tidbit with my current boyfriend:
waiter: how is everything?
me: my dad died.
(dirty look from my old flame.)
me: he said “everything!” not just the food.
naturally this facilitated a chuckle from my (real-time) boyfriend (he’s as funny as i am).
sdinsd 