let me tell you a story…
i was 22 and we had been dating for 2 months when he surprised me with a trip to nyc for new year’s eve. unfortunately, his plans for the night were standing in the freezing cold, where i couldn’t eat (or pee), to watch the ball drop in times square. (honestly, i’m still mad about this and text him from time to time demanding an apology. what’s even weirder is he had just done this a year or two before and i cannot understand why anyone would want to do this once, let alone twice. it’s miserable.) as a general rule, i want to be warm and i want to be fed.
anyway, right at midnight i turned to give him the obligatory midnight kiss to find that he was holding out a ring. i was in complete shock (there’s a photo of this moment – that i won’t share because he deserves his anonymity – where i’m standing there slack-jawed and completely dumbfounded). the truth is, i didn’t want to say yes…i also didn’t want to embarrass him. so, i said nothing. eventually, he put the ring on my finger…
and there started my year long attempt to extricate myself from the situation. i was 22, i had no business getting married, and my heart was not clear of the one who came before.
i will spare you (and him) the details of the relationship. i held off on writing this blog for so long because i didn’t want to hurt him. 20 years later, we finally had a debrief on the dissolution of our union.
about 10 years ago, i heard that he was telling people he ended our relationship. untrue, but i didn’t care enough to correct it. i thought it was funny and moved on with my life. in fact, he flew across the country to show up at my front door months after our breakup to celebrate my birthday with me and since i already had plans with a friend, we proceeded to have the most awkward dinner in the history of ever, especially after he learned that i had been seeing someone new…and we had even kissed, once. (broken up for months, guys. i refused to feel badly about this.)
a family member insisted upon correcting the story.
family member: but it’s a lie! he shouldn’t lie.
me: let him lie. it doesn’t hurt me.
family member: but it’s not right!
me: it makes no difference in my life.
for me, the high road is typically the one not taken (i’m not proud of this, it’s just a fact. the truth is more important than the consequences in most circumstances).
anyway, during my debrief with this ex i finally asked him about telling everyone he had dumped me. his response was “well, i was responsible for the actions that led to you ending the relationship so in my mind, i was the one that ended things.” HUH?!
i love this junior high logic so much. and boy am i glad i didn’t ever marry him.
sdinsd 