Posted on by shirindawna · 4 Comments

all that i am.

i owe you an apology. dear one reader that i have, i’m sorry for my lack of blogs. i’ve been self-absorbed and so wrapped up in my own head that i haven’t shared any of my (so totally awesome) thoughts with you. for that, i’m so sincerely sorry. you’re better for it though. trust.

he (it’s proverbial. or maybe not? in any case, i don’t reveal identities) said i’m like a hurricane. and to never be less than i am.

i guess it’s not the worst thing to be compared to a force of nature. but i immediately took offense to the comparison. hurricanes have a bad rep! i mean, who gets excited about a hurricane?! it’s something you dread, fear, and hope will pass quickly. why couldn’t he say i was a rainbow? everybody loves rainbows! they’re pretty and cheery and brighten your day. always.

upon some reflection (read: i couldn’t sleep after he said it), i realized…it’s true. i am a bit of a hurricane. please see the following evidence.

exhibit a: i have no concept of moderation. with anything.
exhibit b: i do tend to tear through things (read: boys, clothing, and the like)
exhibit c: i can be a bit of a nightmare. on a bad day.

it’s no secret that i want to be the girl in the song. so perhaps this time he was referring to neil young?

‘You are like a hurricane
There’s calm in your eye.
And I’m gettin’ blown away
To somewhere safer
where the feeling stays.
I want to love you but
I’m getting blown away.

I am just a dreamer,
but you are just a dream,
You could have been
anyone to me.’

it’s a nice thought, isn’t it? instead of my original one of being hated and dreaded. sometimes it’s all in your perspective…that’s what i’ve learned in this last month. sometimes, you just need to take a step back – get away from the negative thoughts and put a positive spin on things. easier said (typed) than done. but i’m trying. and i’m a work in progress. and if i’m being 100% honest, he’s more citizen cope than neil young anyway…

‘I will carry you through the hurricane waters
And I’ll remember you in the blue skies

Something happens when
You’re caught searching for an answer
When you’re stuck in the middle
Of a place that you don’t belong
When you start to lose sight of what’s right and wrong
When we started it was innocent
‘Cause when we started it was innocent’

so, while i’m typically the one that’s right. he wins here.

i am. a true force of nature.

and maybe, just maybe… someday there will be a boy who will think of me like john green describes:

“I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep… sleep together in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage… I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was hurricane.”

Posted on by shirindawna · 3 Comments

i’m a best friend whore.

lots of people collect things:
shot glasses.
teapots. (my mom)
those weird little spoons. (i don’t get that – it’s bizarre)
matches. (me)
boots. (me)
jeans. (me)
sunglasses (someone who i’m not permitted to mention in my blog)
best friends! (me, again.)

when it comes to best friends, i’m hard pressed to pick just one.

there are five gals that i went to high school with and am still very very close to and i consider them all my besties.

(i’m not comfortable naming names because my wildly popular blog invites stalkers. no, that’s not true. i don’t have any readers. just you girls. but still…i shall honor your privacy)

without further ado:

gal #1: loves everyone and everything (mostly). has the best laugh in the world. and i just adore the crap outta her. she’s so sweet that i worry about her sometimes, i’m completely overprotective of her…but she’s a tough little cookie. she can handle herself. however! if anyone hurt her, i wouldn’t hesitate to cut someone.

gal #2: my sounding board when i’m feeling a little crazy. she supplies me with wise mind, a fresh pair of eyes to see the situation with, and most importantly, wears the same shoe size as me. she’s my little bookend. (and closer to wise mind than i’ll ever be, but i’d never ever admit that to her)

gal #3: my courageous one. she’s the one with an air of mystery about her. (i’ve always wanted an air of mystery, but can’t seem to attain one. i think it’s because i talk too much. and overshare. all the time. oh well.) she’s also my favorite activity partner. i can always count on her to join me for a fun workout class or a hike. i love her for her honesty (she’s quick to tell you how she feels and i respect that!) and her spirit.

gal #4: i call her my sister. we’ve been through some rough patches (we used to be very alike). she’s a bit of a drifter. at times we’re super close and other times we will go weeks without talking. in any case, in my heart she remains.

gal #5: the milf. if you knew this girl in high school, she’d probably be the last girl you’d guess would be married with two (gorgeous) kids. she was my first friend in high school and the one that i was the closest to throughout the years. she’s more than a friend, she’s like a part of my family. my dad considers her his other daughter. she’s the one that knows all my secrets, all my fears, and all that matters in my life.

there are a handful more (specifically two) that i refer to as my best friends as well and i know there are several more that refer to me as their besties. i must say, there are few things more flattering than being introduced to someone as “shirin, my best friend”. i get so giddy when i hear it. i love love love it. when my pals say it, i hear “this is shirin. out of all my friends, she is the BEST, my FAVORITE. all the others come after her.” hence, i win!

and if you know me, then you’re well aware: i play to win. or not at all.

Posted on by shirindawna

race to the altar.

i was thinking today…about past relationships. and the whole contest thing. you know what i’m talking about: the ‘i’m so much happier without you and i’m in love and he’s so much better than you’ thing. it’s a contest. sure, we don’t admit it. or really talk about it…but it is. and if your ex-boyfriend gets married before you, then you lose. (yeah yeah, put aside all that marrying the right person crap. blah blah. i KNOW! clearly, i know. still single, remember?!) anyway, even less talked about is the whole race among girl friends. of course we all want our best pals to be happy. and blissfully so. but i won’t lie and say i didn’t relate to kim kardashian’s (self-indulgent) temper tantrum as her younger sister lived out her wedding dream. (albeit, khloe married a laker not a saint. tomato. tomatoh.)

wrong timing. wrong guy. wrong state. wrong ring. wrong, wrong, wrong. i know (without a doubt) that i’d rather be single than with the wrong guy. the fact is, i don’t believe in divorce and i’d rather spend eternity alone than with someone i’m not completely crazy about. but sometimes (read: very recently since turning 29), i wonder…why not me? why hasn’t it happened for me yet?

and then, i remember: i’m exactly where i’m supposed to be. sharing my thoughts in a very public diary and thus ensuring that it’ll be a long long time before it’s my time. and i’m okay with that. most of the time.

Posted on by shirindawna · 1 Comment

sticks and stones.

let’s be honest. (i always am. well, mostly always) sticks and stones can hurt and all, but it’s the words of the people i care about that really stay with me. and that really have the power to bruise. or heal. or make you fall in love. or cause you to fall out of love. or break your heart. or stop the pain.

they’re magic. and everyone knows, magic isn’t always good.

words are powerful. anyone who says they’re not is:

a) silly
b) wrong
c) a bad writer
d) possibly all of the above

exhibit a: words of encouragement

i heard a story last night. it was about me. my cousin’s boyfriend was telling me about a story my dad had told him. my pop-sicle said that he would’ve given up his fight with cancer after his massive surgery if it hadn’t been for me. my dad said that the moment i crawled into his hospital bed and said ‘please don’t give up,’ he knew he had to hang on.

exhibit b: words of inspiration

see exhibit a. (yes, this one was just filler. so what? it’s my world. i make the rules around here.)

exhibit c: words of wisdom

don’t spit into the wind. (thanks, jim croce)

one of the best pieces of advice i’ve ever received came from one of my very best friends (yes, i’ve mentioned it before, but it really bears repeating). the advice came at the perfect time for me. i was 23. engaged (i’ll tell you about it later). living in kansas (you don’t even want to know). and terribly unhappy. i missed my friends. i missed my family. and i missed my independence. she said that we only get 80-some years to do all the things we want in life and considering we were already a quarter through, we didn’t have time to waste in unhappy situations. she was right. i wasn’t happy. and i deserve to be. we all do. so, i cut my losses. called off a wedding. and came home. on my little bravery kick, i also told my dad i had a tattoo. i actually have two, but i only told him about the one that he could potentially see 😉

exhibit d: song lyrics

i love music. i love how it can cheer me up. make me sad. make me dance. make me cry. make me miss someone. make me happy they’re gone. make me wish they’d never left. (music holds it’s own magic, but the lyrics…that’s what we’re discussing today, kids)

sooo many to mention. so, i’ll touch on a personal favorite. since it incorporates several of my favorite themes (fantasy, creativity, love ~ if you must ask): ‘if you weren’t real, i’d make you up. now.’ so simple. so true. and damn, i wish i’d wrote it! i’m so tickled at the thought of bringing ‘him’ to life, except guess what?! he’s real! ahh, bliss.

exhibit e: words from the heart (my personal favorite)

this one can encompass all the aforementioned categories. this is the one i look forward to when i get a birthday card, a letter, a phone call, a text (don’t laugh. i’ve fallen in love based on witty texts).

boys, if you’re gifted with words (you know who you are). please write. and even if you’re not, try. because we love it. because we eat it up. and because it makes us love you. trust me.

words: they’re my kryptonite.