Posted on by shirindawna · 2 Comments

am i bad? or mad? or wise?

one of my favorite dinnertime conversations with my husband is when we discuss who we would date if a tragic, early death befell the other.

it’s so morbid.

it’s so fun.

it’s such a treat to be with someone who is secure (despite all my efforts).

side note: he has excellent taste. (obvs, we knew this, but these discussions have really driven the point home).

worst case scenario, he’s planning to jump into some of my online groups and ask “who in here has a red light?” and use that as a starting point. brilliant, actually (if he’s looking for another me, which…of course he is). if you happen to see him lurking in there, offer your condolences.

after all, anyone who knows me knows i’m a planner…and a wise woman once said “there’s no such thing as bad thoughts…only your actions talk.”

naturally, my second favorite thing is texting all our picks to enlighten/warn them.

Posted on by shirindawna

all of my enemies started out friends.

this is the story of a horrible person. i worked with her at a fitness studio and she was so filled with hate and spite that it physically pained me to be near her. i learned exactly how miserable of a person she was as i was mourning the loss of my dad. she seized the opportunity to take advantage of my sorrow and grief and used it to try and advance her standing at the fitness studio. honestly, good for her. she was a terrible instructor so get ahead how you can, loser.

my friends and i still laugh about the time she posted a gorgeous scenic photo of her hometown in the pacific northwest and i left a comment saying “you should move back there.”

she immediately blocked me.

i’m still not sorry. i regret nothing.

(maybe someday, after i stop laughing about it, i will share about how she threw herself at my ex ~ after we split ~ and he was not at all interested in her)

Posted on by shirindawna

she would’ve made such a lovely bride…

let me tell you a story…

i was 22 and we had been dating for 2 months when he surprised me with a trip to nyc for new year’s eve. unfortunately, his plans for the night were standing in the freezing cold, where i couldn’t eat (or pee), to watch the ball drop in times square. (honestly, i’m still mad about this and text him from time to time demanding an apology. what’s even weirder is he had just done this a year or two before and i cannot understand why anyone would want to do this once, let alone twice. it’s miserable.) as a general rule, i want to be warm and i want to be fed.

anyway, right at midnight i turned to give him the obligatory midnight kiss to find that he was holding out a ring. i was in complete shock (there’s a photo of this moment – that i won’t share because he deserves his anonymity – where i’m standing there slack-jawed and completely dumbfounded). the truth is, i didn’t want to say yes…i also didn’t want to embarrass him. so, i said nothing. eventually, he put the ring on my finger…

and there started my year long attempt to extricate myself from the situation. i was 22, i had no business getting married, and my heart was not clear of the one who came before.

i will spare you (and him) the details of the relationship. i held off on writing this blog for so long because i didn’t want to hurt him. 20 years later, we finally had a debrief on the dissolution of our union.

about 10 years ago, i heard that he was telling people he ended our relationship. untrue, but i didn’t care enough to correct it. i thought it was funny and moved on with my life. in fact, he flew across the country to show up at my front door months after our breakup to celebrate my birthday with me and since i already had plans with a friend, we proceeded to have the most awkward dinner in the history of ever, especially after he learned that i had been seeing someone new…and we had even kissed, once. (broken up for months, guys. i refused to feel badly about this.)

a family member insisted upon correcting the story.

family member: but it’s a lie! he shouldn’t lie.

me: let him lie. it doesn’t hurt me.

family member: but it’s not right!

me: it makes no difference in my life.

for me, the high road is typically the one not taken (i’m not proud of this, it’s just a fact. the truth is more important than the consequences in most circumstances).

anyway, during my debrief with this ex i finally asked him about telling everyone he had dumped me. his response was “well, i was responsible for the actions that led to you ending the relationship so in my mind, i was the one that ended things.” HUH?!

i love this junior high logic so much. and boy am i glad i didn’t ever marry him.