my best friend just called me.
expecting to need to lift me up.
my chipper voice alarmed her.
honey, don’t you know me by now?
if not him, someone better.
ex oh.
it is. written.
this is my favorite spot in my city.
i’ve spent many sunsets and a few sunrises gazing out into the expanse of the ocean and wondering…
i’ve wondered about:
jobs
family
friends
boys
and
love.
no matter what the issue, visiting this spot always makes me feel better. even if it was just the littlest, teeny, tiny bit on my worst, saddest, crappiest day… i’ve visited on my best days and my worst.
it’s my happy place and my thinking spot.
i thought about going here today. to soak up some negative ions (they make you happy, i swear it!), but went for a walk with a friend on a different beach a few miles down. and i’m glad i did. because she said something so lovely that i wouldn’t have heard otherwise. she said that my positive thinking and optimism in situations makes me an inspiration. i was overwhelmed with emotion and failed to properly express how touched i was (which is strange for me because i typically have zero trouble expressing how i feel). i wish i would have. it warmed my heart.
and then a few short hours later another friend told me that being around me made her feel like her again in a time when she felt like she was losing herself and that i ‘have a crazy way of effecting people for the positive’. i will not lie. this made me tear up. i am a not-so-secret sap and i got the warm fuzzies BIG TIME.
thank goodness it’s friday and thank goodness for truly great friends.
the ones who call to tell you they miss you, the ones who stop by to drop off dessert, the ones who send you boots, the ones who text you to tell you they wish they were with you, the ones who french braid your hair, the ones who you can road trip with, the ones who listen to you go on and on about the same boy that is probably getting more shirinergy than he deserves, the ones who agree that red nail polish makes you way bolder than your usual pink, the ones who pet your hair when you sleep, the ones who help you plan your outfits, the ones who you used to date and who now offer an ear and advice, the ones who started as family and became friends, the ones who let you puke on their pillow, the ones who help you see the writing on the wall, the ones who only tell two of their friends when you pee the bed (sober), the ones who call 5 times a day to stay updated on everything going on in your day even when they live across the country, the ones who arrange sleepovers so you can have quality time together, the ones you can tell anything to, the ones who tell you what you need to hear even when you don’t want to listen, the ones who make time in their busy lives, and for all the ones in my life.
i can’t express in words how lucky i feel to know these amazing people. you make my world better. thank you.
you’ve helped me through good times and great times. i’m happy to share my days with you all. i don’t have a clue what my life will bring, but…perhaps, it is written?
an idealistic future.
daydream believer.
most days i wake up feeling so overwhelmingly grateful for all the things i have in my life. and some days that makes me feel guilty. i don’t deserve it anymore than anyone else does. i mean sure i think i’m remarkable in my own way (no time for modesty, i’m fairly fabulous), but the good fortune i’ve received in my life is beyond what i could ever dream of. and yet, i still dream.
i always have. i have a serious imagination.
when i was 15 i dreamt about what i’d be like at 30. it’s a funny (hilarious, actually) thought. i believed i had my whole life figured out. but the truth is i never really knew who i’d be…until i was. and the who i am now never even crossed my mind.
my forays into life idealized at 30 always included one or all of the following:
a vintage typewriter
a library of first editions
a cool job
a big closet
a backyard (with a treehouse like i used to have)
his & hers sinks (monogrammed towels are optional ~ who am i kidding? no, they aren’t.)
and of course, kids. the kind that never cry, listen to me always, and are so stinkin’ cute that I can’t get enough of them (or their dad).
and traveling…lots and lots of it.
i dreamt i’d be living in a home that could be found in the pages of home & garden magazine. effortlessly stylish, cozy, and all around lovely. and of course, in my fantasy home, i’d be queen of the kitchen. easily whipping up gourmet meals to feed my litter of children as they ran around playing hide & go seek. and stopping to wrap themselves around my legs like little koala bears.
and to counteract this miss susie homemaker-ness, i would also be the jet-setting travel, fashion, music, and editorial maven that i still dream about. i would get paid to travel, to vacation, to experience. and i would write. and write. and write some more.
this was the daydream of a high school teen.
there was always something absent from the daydream though: a boy. i think i already knew that he could be many things, and everything and nothing at all. and that to dream about him would be a lie. while i navigate this ‘dating’ thing at 30, i sometimes wonder if i may have already met him? maybe he was a big love? or maybe we’ve been on only one date, or maybe even i simply passed him on the street.
or maybe, he is out there… daydreaming about me.
i would love a like letter.
anyone who knows me at all knows i’m into writers. i love being won over by words.
this letter was sweet. it made me smile. (editor’s note from the future – the letter was stripped from my blog during the lost years and i have no clue where to find it so we will both have to use our imaginations. apparently, there was something about a peter…)
i thought about writing one similar, except the ‘peter’ i’d be referring to is a little more tawdry. but it deserves a letter. an award. and maybe a trophy.
cheers to ‘peters’ far & wide. and thank heavens the dry spell has ended.
sd was very wet recently. lots of rain. lots of moisture heading into spring.
can’t wait to see what’s in store for my flower.
sdinsd 