usually i consider ‘what if’ scenarios a waste of time. that all changed today.
i stopped to consider: what if i’m a princess on another planet and nobody on this planet knows it?
so, if you (like me) are into opening cans of worms, ponder away…
just one of those days.
happy monday.
hope yours is sunnier.
an intricate web of daydreams.
ever since i was little (young rather, i’m STILL little) i’ve dreamt of my perfect guy. and of course i have ‘the checklist’. every girl has an idea of what qualities her leading man should possess.
without further ado (and in no particular order):
the proverbial ‘he’ should be:
funny
intelligent
witty
sarcastic
charming
a great listener
imaginative
a wordsmith
thoughtful
a great dancer
considerate
a great storyteller
emotionally capable of intimacy
appreciative
dependable
genuine
patient
honest
loyal
open-minded
tolerant
respectful
nurturing to his loved ones
comfortable in his own skin
able to light up a room with his smile
a big believer in moderation of all things (aside from love. and s-e-x)
will my mr. forever be all these things? who knows? will i even measure up on his list? let’s be honest, i’m no walk in the park.
i’m demanding.
i’m manipulative.
i’m secretly judgmental.
i have trouble forgiving people.
i think too fast and talk too much.
i expect to be your top priority. always.
i have trouble talking about my feelings.
i can make biting, hurtful remarks when my feelings are hurt.
i’ll expect you to want to marry me even though i’m not certain i want to marry you. (or anyone)
whew! it’s a good thing i have a sweet ass.
i’ve said it before…and it bears repeating: i just want someone who makes me the best version of me i can be.
the notion of a checklist is great and all, but i’ve found that ‘good on paper’ isn’t necessary good for me.
love is for people who are realistic…and for people who realize that a real relationship IS the ultimate fantasy.
lay a whisper on my pillow…
i learned something today. and once i thought about it…i realized it was something i had learned long long ago. only i wasn’t paying attention.
oprah says that you have to listen to the whispers. the whispers about your career, your life, your relationships. she says if you miss the whispers, you get a little thump on the head. and if you still don’t pay attention, you end up with a problem. if you continue to be oblivious, then you get a brick dropped on your head. and if you ignore that, then you get an entire wall of bricks. and guess what? what used to be a problem is now a crisis. and if you still ignore that brick wall falling, then the whole house caves in! and now: DISASTER!
i’m guilty of ignoring the whispers. not intentionally. but i think we’ve forgotten how to hear them. last night, in a dream. i had a (metaphoric) brick dropped on me. and afterwards, i couldn’t sleep. it led me to have a horrible nagging feeling all day…till i made the connection: i missed the whispers. and then i ignored the thump. but that brick finally opened my eyes.
lesson learned: save yourself the time. pay attention. and listen to the whispers!
losing faith.
lately i’ve been bombarded with stories about cheaters/liars/jerkface boys. it makes me so so sad.
‘i want so badly to believe that there is truth and love is real’
i don’t understand. what’s the point of being in a relationship if you’re gonna cheat and lie and run around? if that’s what you wanna do, go be single! i just don’t get it.
in all fairness, i’ve been guilty of boyfriend borrowing. it wasn’t intentional. and i was young. and selfish. and very, very different. now, i know better. (read: got a taste of my own medicine and it was BITTER!)
in any case, i don’t condone cheating. or lying (unless it’s absolutely necessary. for instance: no, i’ve had those boots forever! i didn’t just buy them yesterday during my lunch break).
one (read: several) of my ex-boyfriends think it’s okay to text me obscene comments about umm…you know…the ‘stuff’ (mom, dad, and current boyfriend: i have NEVER done anything inappropriate, not till i’m married, i promise!) anyway, it’s gross. pathetic. and really really sucky for their new girls. at one point i may have found it flattering. i mean, i love the idea that my exes are all sitting at home crying over losing the best thing they ever had. but now, i just feel horribly for their new girlfriends. and of course it sends me down the whole ‘was he doing this while we were together?!’ path. and that road is just ugly. so, i’m staying off it.
but seriously, all the stories about liars and cheaters make me sick to my stomach. and make me want to never get married or trust anyone. it’s sad.
please world, stop making me sad.
sdinsd 