i owe you an apology. dear one reader that i have, i’m sorry for my lack of blogs. i’ve been self-absorbed and so wrapped up in my own head that i haven’t shared any of my (so totally awesome) thoughts with you. for that, i’m so sincerely sorry. you’re better for it though. trust.

he (it’s proverbial. or maybe not? in any case, i don’t reveal identities) said i’m like a hurricane. and to never be less than i am.

i guess it’s not the worst thing to be compared to a force of nature. but i immediately took offense to the comparison. hurricanes have a bad rep! i mean, who gets excited about a hurricane?! it’s something you dread, fear, and hope will pass quickly. why couldn’t he say i was a rainbow? everybody loves rainbows! they’re pretty and cheery and brighten your day. always.

upon some reflection (read: i couldn’t sleep after he said it), i realized…it’s true. i am a bit of a hurricane. please see the following evidence.

exhibit a: i have no concept of moderation. with anything.
exhibit b: i do tend to tear through things (read: boys, clothing, and the like)
exhibit c: i can be a bit of a nightmare. on a bad day.

it’s no secret that i want to be the girl in the song. so perhaps this time he was referring to neil young?

‘You are like a hurricane
There’s calm in your eye.
And I’m gettin’ blown away
To somewhere safer
where the feeling stays.
I want to love you but
I’m getting blown away.

I am just a dreamer,
but you are just a dream,
You could have been
anyone to me.’

it’s a nice thought, isn’t it? instead of my original one of being hated and dreaded. sometimes it’s all in your perspective…that’s what i’ve learned in this last month. sometimes, you just need to take a step back – get away from the negative thoughts and put a positive spin on things. easier said (typed) than done. but i’m trying. and i’m a work in progress. and if i’m being 100% honest, he’s more citizen cope than neil young anyway…

‘I will carry you through the hurricane waters
And I’ll remember you in the blue skies

Something happens when
You’re caught searching for an answer
When you’re stuck in the middle
Of a place that you don’t belong
When you start to lose sight of what’s right and wrong
When we started it was innocent
‘Cause when we started it was innocent’

so, while i’m typically the one that’s right. he wins here.

i am. a true force of nature.

and maybe, just maybe… someday there will be a boy who will think of me like john green describes:

“I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep… sleep together in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage… I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was hurricane.”