Posted on by shirindawna · 1 Comment

sticks and stones.

let’s be honest. (i always am. well, mostly always) sticks and stones can hurt and all, but it’s the words of the people i care about that really stay with me. and that really have the power to bruise. or heal. or make you fall in love. or cause you to fall out of love. or break your heart. or stop the pain.

they’re magic. and everyone knows, magic isn’t always good.

words are powerful. anyone who says they’re not is:

a) silly
b) wrong
c) a bad writer
d) possibly all of the above

exhibit a: words of encouragement

i heard a story last night. it was about me. my cousin’s boyfriend was telling me about a story my dad had told him. my pop-sicle said that he would’ve given up his fight with cancer after his massive surgery if it hadn’t been for me. my dad said that the moment i crawled into his hospital bed and said ‘please don’t give up,’ he knew he had to hang on.

exhibit b: words of inspiration

see exhibit a. (yes, this one was just filler. so what? it’s my world. i make the rules around here.)

exhibit c: words of wisdom

don’t spit into the wind. (thanks, jim croce)

one of the best pieces of advice i’ve ever received came from one of my very best friends (yes, i’ve mentioned it before, but it really bears repeating). the advice came at the perfect time for me. i was 23. engaged (i’ll tell you about it later). living in kansas (you don’t even want to know). and terribly unhappy. i missed my friends. i missed my family. and i missed my independence. she said that we only get 80-some years to do all the things we want in life and considering we were already a quarter through, we didn’t have time to waste in unhappy situations. she was right. i wasn’t happy. and i deserve to be. we all do. so, i cut my losses. called off a wedding. and came home. on my little bravery kick, i also told my dad i had a tattoo. i actually have two, but i only told him about the one that he could potentially see 😉

exhibit d: song lyrics

i love music. i love how it can cheer me up. make me sad. make me dance. make me cry. make me miss someone. make me happy they’re gone. make me wish they’d never left. (music holds it’s own magic, but the lyrics…that’s what we’re discussing today, kids)

sooo many to mention. so, i’ll touch on a personal favorite. since it incorporates several of my favorite themes (fantasy, creativity, love ~ if you must ask): ‘if you weren’t real, i’d make you up. now.’ so simple. so true. and damn, i wish i’d wrote it! i’m so tickled at the thought of bringing ‘him’ to life, except guess what?! he’s real! ahh, bliss.

exhibit e: words from the heart (my personal favorite)

this one can encompass all the aforementioned categories. this is the one i look forward to when i get a birthday card, a letter, a phone call, a text (don’t laugh. i’ve fallen in love based on witty texts).

boys, if you’re gifted with words (you know who you are). please write. and even if you’re not, try. because we love it. because we eat it up. and because it makes us love you. trust me.

words: they’re my kryptonite.

Posted on by shirindawna · 1 Comment

all you need is: love?

according to charlotte york (if you don’t know who she is, stop reading immediately. i won’t make sense to you) you only get two great loves of your life. i like it when people apply tangible things, like: numbers. to intangible things, like: love.

cue: emotional mind.

love. it’s like magic, only better. cuz it’s real. right? i mean, i can’t touch it, but i can feel it. i can’t see it, but i can show it. in any case, (in the wise wise words of the monkees) i’m a believer.

pop culture has successfully influenced me. year after year of sappy romantic comedies, angsty pop music, and dramatic tv shows has convinced me. true love CAN exist. (although, if the latter is any indication, eventually he’ll sleep with my best friend. and probably my mom. who was once thought to be dead. but she isn’t now. and through it all, i have perfect hair. you know what? let’s scratch tv shows from the list. they aren’t sending the right message AT ALL) anyway, i digress…let’s just assume it’s true what they’ve been feeding us: we too can have perfect movie (the notebook)/song (just the way you are) LOVE.

i want so badly to believe that it’s true. so, when i fall in love, i fall HARD. i fall for real. and i fall completely. people find this hard to believe because of my confident, self-assured, independent, and witty (read: often insecure, sometimes jealous, reformed clingy girlfriend and really just dorky) persona.

don’t get me wrong, i’ve had my share of heartbreaks (summer of sin 2005, anyone?). i’ve given up too soon, i’ve held on too long. i’ve been unforgiving, i’ve been too forgiving. i’ve given too much, i’ve taken more than my share. i’ve told lies, i’ve been too honest…yet i’ve never given up hope. while i don’t subscribe to the soulmate theory, i DO believe that there is someone special out there for each one of us. someone who can help us fulfill our dreams, compliment our personalities, make us laugh, make us think, challenge us to be better individuals, give us butterflies AND get us off (sorry baba)… we all have the ability to find someone who can make us happy, REALLY (i can’t get this grin off my face cuz i’m so super in love) happy.

finding your someone is no easy task. it is difficult. it is trying. and sometimes, just when you think things are going great, you’re completely blindsighted by a breakup. a breakup that feels like it’s physically hurting you…you lose your appetite, you can’t sleep, you cry nonstop, you can’t understand WHY?!, you talk about him to anyone who will listen, you pretend to be better, you leave the house, you put on makeup, you dance with other boys, you laugh, you flirt, you see him with another girl. you get blackout drunk. you lose your nose ring. puke. wash. rinse. repeat.

through it all though, we can’t seem to stop trying. and we can’t seem to give up or stop believing for one second that our someone (or someones, as the case may very well be) is out there.

sorry char, but you can’t quantify love. it isn’t rational. it just isn’t. it doesn’t always make sense. but it feels amazing. and it’s magical…and for that, i’m still willing to walk face-first into the dark and pray that maybe somehow, this time it’ll work out. (fingers crossed, here’s hoping!)

Posted on by shirindawna

boots. boots! Boots. BOOTS. BOOTS!

i’m obsessed. i’ve always loved boots, but this year i just can’t get enough (and i still love depeche mode, so what?). it’s tough to find the perfect boots, they’ve got to fit in the leg as well as the foot…but when you do ~ ahh, bliss! you feel like a sexy cinderella.

i’ve had cowboys, ankle ones, high ones, lace up, fur lined, studded, buckled, flats, hiking, rain ones, suede, and leather. so comfy (sometimes). so versatile (ALWAYS).

boots are the bessssst. i love wearing them with skinny jeans, leggings, sweater dresses, shorts and tights, miniskirts, a-lines, and nothing at all 😉

the only thing that gets me through the cold of the brutal san diego winters is knowing that i can rock my boots. all. the. time!

brrrrrrring on the brrs. i got my boots, boots, Boots, BOOTS, BOOTS!

Posted on by shirindawna · 2 Comments

happy birthday month to me.

it’s the start of the month that marks the last year of my twenties.

seriously? when did that happen? where have i been? oh yeah, spain, kansas, d.c., key west, italy, almost cabo, vegas, nyc, mexico, monterey, fresno, palm springs, around the block, stuck in my head, the men’s locker room, and a couple other places…

it seems like yesterday when my best friend, christina, and i were tramping it up in vegas sitting on the laps of the the guys with the rock n’ roll good looks. that was EIGHT years ago. 8! really? geez. i’ve done far less with a decade than i anticipated.

some highlights. i’ve:
been to spain.
seen the running of the bulls.
had a boyfriend cheat on me.
fallen in love with san sebastian.
cried over a boy on september 11th instead of the towers.
terrorized vegas almost every weekend of 2002.
became an english major.
had my heart broken. it hurt.
done new year’s eve in times square.
cheated on a boyfriend.
gotten engaged.
lived in kansas.
broken someone’s heart.
gotten my nose pierced.
watched one of my best friends get married.
been to key west. twice.
learned to surf.
visited chicago with my best friends.
had cosmetic surgery. (yes, my nose is custom. i’m persian. it’s expected)
gotten my nose re-pierced.
traveled throughout italy with my mom.
moved in with a boyfriend.
failed at my relationship.
failed a college course.
graduated college.
scored a big-girl job.
adopted the cutest pup on the planet.
failed to train the cutest pup on the planet.
failed to cry for almost an entire year.
cried at everything for weeks.
fallen in love.
fallen out of love.
fallen in love again.
gone skydiving with my brother.
written a love letter.
written a like letter.
hurt a friend.
watched my dad battle cancer.
watched a friend lose a dad to cancer.
lost my last grandparent to cancer.
watched britney in concert three times.
became pals with cuba gooding jr.
made an ass of myself in front of usher.
stalked jt. (and britney)
baked an amazing cheesecake.
been thrown a surprise party.
peed my pants.
listened to a friend in an abusive relationship.
started a blog.

i’m having major anxiety about the start of my last year of my twenties. there’s SO much i still want to do. how in the world do you fit it all in before you die?!

i’m having so much more trouble with this year than any of the previous ones. obvi, i can’t do anything about it. and besides, ‘age only matters if you’re a cheese.’ but still, the years go by quickly. and the days so slowly…go figure.

Posted on by shirindawna · 1 Comment

i’d do anything for love.

i’m a giver.

in a relationship (and i don’t just mean romantic), i will give and give and give…

it’s just what i do.

my ex-bf said it makes me who i am and it’s what makes me comfortable in my skin. i don’t know about the last part, but the way i see it. if i can help someone i care about, why wouldn’t i?

the problem i’ve seen with givers (and i may be projecting a little here…) is knowing your limits. i’m typically great with boundaries and limits…EXCEPT when i’m in love or when dealing with a close friend/family member.

unfortunately, i’ve encountered people who just take. all the time. it’s like they only have a ‘receive’ button – and no ‘send’. these people are exhausting. mentally and emotionally. they’ll drain your energy and your patience. for any relationship to work, there needs to be a back and forth. otherwise, resentment starts to creep in. also, if you’re the only one giving, you’re never allowing the other person to give to the relationship and you aren’t giving yourself a chance to experience the other side.

bottom line: if you’re giving, make sure the other person is too. don’t fall into the trap of dealing with people that deplete your energy, patience, and desire to help others!

now. go forth into the world and make it better!