Posted on by shirindawna

she would’ve made such a lovely bride…

let me tell you a story…

i was 22 and we had been dating for 2 months when he surprised me with a trip to nyc for new year’s eve. unfortunately, his plans for the night were standing in the freezing cold, where i couldn’t eat (or pee), to watch the ball drop in times square. (honestly, i’m still mad about this and text him from time to time demanding an apology. what’s even weirder is he had just done this a year or two before and i cannot understand why anyone would want to do this once, let alone twice. it’s miserable.) as a general rule, i want to be warm and i want to be fed.

anyway, right at midnight i turned to give him the obligatory midnight kiss to find that he was holding out a ring. i was in complete shock (there’s a photo of this moment – that i won’t share because he deserves his anonymity – where i’m standing there slack-jawed and completely dumbfounded). the truth is, i didn’t want to say yes…i also didn’t want to embarrass him. so, i said nothing. eventually, he put the ring on my finger…

and there started my year long attempt to extricate myself from the situation. i was 22, i had no business getting married, and my heart was not clear of the one who came before.

i will spare you (and him) the details of the relationship. i held off on writing this blog for so long because i didn’t want to hurt him. 20 years later, we finally had a debrief on the dissolution of our union.

about 10 years ago, i heard that he was telling people he ended our relationship. untrue, but i didn’t care enough to correct it. i thought it was funny and moved on with my life. in fact, he flew across the country to show up at my front door months after our breakup to celebrate my birthday with me and since i already had plans with a friend, we proceeded to have the most awkward dinner in the history of ever, especially after he learned that i had been seeing someone new…and we had even kissed, once. (broken up for months, guys. i refused to feel badly about this.)

a family member insisted upon correcting the story.

family member: but it’s a lie! he shouldn’t lie.

me: let him lie. it doesn’t hurt me.

family member: but it’s not right!

me: it makes no difference in my life.

for me, the high road is typically the one not taken (i’m not proud of this, it’s just a fact. the truth is more important than the consequences in most circumstances).

anyway, during my debrief with this ex i finally asked him about telling everyone he had dumped me. his response was “well, i was responsible for the actions that led to you ending the relationship so in my mind, i was the one that ended things.” HUH?!

i love this junior high logic so much. and boy am i glad i didn’t ever marry him.

Posted on by shirindawna

the lost years…

we have so much to cover. i will be bringing back the old entries…should i scrub the offensive stuff or not? i said some wild things, i stand by most of them…and also, i’m a person, i’ve changed, i’ve grown (not vertically).

it’s hard to believe this started 14 years ago, when i was in my 20s. it felt right to bring it back today, on my 43rd birthday. so much has happened and i’m a completely different me than the girl who first sat down at her laptop to write about love and boys, and share her thoughts with her friends (and a few strangers). and yet, i’m still sitting here writing about love…and boys (maybe a couple exclusively now). full circle, i suppose. it feels like me. it feels right.

if you are an ex, this is your warning to STOP READING now. i will be detailing your bad behavior and if you’ve gotten a pass till now, i hope you enjoyed your peace. (i can anticipate the messages coming and let’s save ourselves the time. the terrible thing you’re thinking of, yes – i will be mentioning it.)

let’s talk about the breakups.

let’s talk about the miscarriages.

let’s talk about the wedding.

let’s talk about cancer.

let’s talk about how i’ve never met a bridge i didn’t want to burn.

let’s talk about the boy.

let’s talk about his baba.

let’s talk about my baba.

let’s talk about how i finally get to do what i’ve always wanted.

Posted on by shirindawna

marriage has a nice ring to it.

once upon a time (like, 10 months ago), i was hanging out in a local coffee shop with my good friend.

she asked the dreamy blue-eyed boy next to me about his beverage.

he said something snarky.

i was intrigued.

four hours after talking non-stop and annoying everyone in the coffee shop (including my friend), he left with my phone number.

and now…

Posted on by shirindawna

time warp.

i’ve always loved the adolescence of a relationship.

i wish we could bottle those feelings elicited in the beginning. the butterflies, the giggles, the desire to talk all night…

sometime back i was describing to a married friend how 4 hour conversations fly by and seem like 30 minutes.

he wisely advised me to enjoy that time…because you never get it back.

he told me once you’re married conversations go like this:

‘hi’
‘hi’
‘what do you want for dinner?’
‘i don’t know’
‘ok, i’ll figure it out’
‘ok, see you in 20 minutes’
‘bye’
‘bye’

the kicker was him saying ‘and oddly enough, that feels like 30 minutes too’

Posted on by shirindawna

engaging.

i went to an engagement party recently & for the first time in a long time i was struck by wonder at how perfect this particular couple is for each other. it’s rare to find someone you can tolerate on a regular basis, but seeing what these two share was beyond inspiring…i feel special and honored to be a part of their circle in this exciting time.

they are without a doubt, two of the most hilarious people i’ve ever been around. and they completely balance that out with their unwavering loyalty & completely solid foundation. it’s endearing.

i am positive they’ll keep each other on their toes & laughing throughout the years. and i’m thrilled that two special people have found an equally special partner.

i am well aware i’m getting waaaay ahead of myself, but i’m already completely obsessed with their unborn children.

a big heartfelt congrats to my lovely friend.

first things first though, convincing her it’s necessary to have me in a tutu pirouetting down the aisle at her wedding…