Posted on by shirindawna

daydream believer.

most days i wake up feeling so overwhelmingly grateful for all the things i have in my life. and some days that makes me feel guilty. i don’t deserve it anymore than anyone else does. i mean sure i think i’m remarkable in my own way (no time for modesty, i’m fairly fabulous), but the good fortune i’ve received in my life is beyond what i could ever dream of. and yet, i still dream.

i always have. i have a serious imagination.

when i was 15 i dreamt about what i’d be like at 30. it’s a funny (hilarious, actually) thought. i believed i had my whole life figured out. but the truth is i never really knew who i’d be…until i was. and the who i am now never even crossed my mind.

my forays into life idealized at 30 always included one or all of the following:

a vintage typewriter
a library of first editions
a cool job
a big closet
a backyard (with a treehouse like i used to have)
his & hers sinks (monogrammed towels are optional ~ who am i kidding? no, they aren’t.)
and of course, kids. the kind that never cry, listen to me always, and are so stinkin’ cute that I can’t get enough of them (or their dad).
and traveling…lots and lots of it.

i dreamt i’d be living in a home that could be found in the pages of home & garden magazine. effortlessly stylish, cozy, and all around lovely. and of course, in my fantasy home, i’d be queen of the kitchen. easily whipping up gourmet meals to feed my litter of children as they ran around playing hide & go seek. and stopping to wrap themselves around my legs like little koala bears.

and to counteract this miss susie homemaker-ness, i would also be the jet-setting travel, fashion, music, and editorial maven that i still dream about. i would get paid to travel, to vacation, to experience. and i would write. and write. and write some more.

this was the daydream of a high school teen.

there was always something absent from the daydream though: a boy. i think i already knew that he could be many things, and everything and nothing at all. and that to dream about him would be a lie. while i navigate this ‘dating’ thing at 30, i sometimes wonder if i may have already met him? maybe he was a big love? or maybe we’ve been on only one date, or maybe even i simply passed him on the street.

or maybe, he is out there… daydreaming about me.

Posted on by shirindawna · 3 Comments

the southernmost snippets.

everyone (the four people that my world revolves around) keeps asking if i’m going to blog about my recent trip…and i’d love to. the only thing is, i only remember it in pieces.

my friends know that drinking for me is rare. i’ll do it on a special occasion and that’s pretty much it. well, not seeing my very best friend in TWO whole years qualifies as the best reason of all. we lived off key lime coladas (heaven in a cup ~ they probably deserve their own blog post) and the most delicious bloody marys i’ve ever had the pleasure of tasting.

it had been too long since i visited key west. i knew i was doing something right when my vacation bartender remembered me after 5 years. clearly. we were really dedicated to our buzz.

without further ado, some of my favorite conversations of the trip:

talking to my best friend’s husband about a guy i had been out with a few times
me: i slipped him some tongue.
friend’s hubby: you’re a maniac.
(yeah, i’m a bit of a prude. whatever!)

the text i sent the morning after my second night.
me: i fell out of a bar window onto the sidewalk.
friend: what?
me: one minute i was inside the bar & the next i was outside.
friend: that is the most epic text i’ve ever received.
me: the bar was called the green parrot. i maintain that i was trying to fly.
(if any of you have been to this spot you know there are wires on the window, i managed to clear them)

the boy i was hanging out with that night claims i ‘really fell for him.’ cute.
he then proceeded to introduce me to all the bartenders in the following way: this is shirin, she fell out of the window of the green parrot.
bartender (after trying to understand the dynamics of my tumble): how? there are wires!
me: if i could explain to you how, i’m fairly certain it wouldn’t have happened.
bartender: what would you like to drink, sweetheart?
me: i’d love a water.
safe to say i was mortified!

bestie: you planned your wedding last night.
me: i did? to who?
bestie: (insert name of boy i was hanging out with the night before)
me: i wonder why i’m single when i plan weddings the first night i hang out with someone??
(to recap, i’ll plan my wedding…but i won’t smooch someone. go figure.)

the morning after our third night…
me: i don’t think key west has nights. i know this because i can’t remember a single one.

at the $5 store where ‘everything & everybody is $5’
me: how much is this? (pointing at a key west romper)
annoyed shop worker: $5
me: and this? (pointing at a camo belt with pockets)
annoyed shop worker: $5
me: how about this? (pointing at some other arbitrary object)
annoyed shop worker: ask me again and it’ll be $6
me: i won’t give you a penny over $4.99

same store on our way out…
bestie (to the hot guy at the door): let’s go.
hottie: (confused look)
bestie: i paid $5 for you at the front.
hottie: why? i would’ve come for free.

it wasn’t just a big drunk fest though. i had the pleasure of visiting ernest hemingway’s house. i soaked up tons of inspiration. there’s something magical about being in a spot where one of your icons worked his craft. even if he was a drunk misogynist.

i totally dorked out in his writing studio for a good 15 minutes until one of the polydactyl cats from the property came charging in and scared the feces out of me.

i can honestly say it was one of the best vacations i’ve ever had.
we filmed segments for two tv shows. to air in march.
had a pants off, dance off.
got caught in the excitement of a stabbing outside the bar we were posted up in.
watched a naked bullriding competition. (don’t get me started on the hygiene issues…)
resurrected our karaoke from 5 years prior that we had formerly promised to NEVER EVER do again.
and i got to see two examples of very happy marriages. nothing warms my heart more than seeing my friends happy.

and to round out the key west experience, i learned the difference between jelly and jam.

i’ve returned home with pieces of my spray tan, dignity, accessories, and memory missing, but my heart is happier than i can ever remember…and i can’t wait till i get to do it all again.

Posted on by shirindawna · 4 Comments

an intricate web of daydreams.

ever since i was little (young rather, i’m STILL little) i’ve dreamt of my perfect guy. and of course i have ‘the checklist’. every girl has an idea of what qualities her leading man should possess.

without further ado (and in no particular order):

the proverbial ‘he’ should be:

funny
intelligent
witty
sarcastic
charming
a great listener
imaginative
a wordsmith
thoughtful
a great dancer
considerate
a great storyteller
emotionally capable of intimacy
appreciative
dependable
genuine
patient
honest
loyal
open-minded
tolerant
respectful
nurturing to his loved ones
comfortable in his own skin
able to light up a room with his smile
a big believer in moderation of all things (aside from love. and s-e-x)

will my mr. forever be all these things? who knows? will i even measure up on his list? let’s be honest, i’m no walk in the park.

i’m demanding.
i’m manipulative.
i’m secretly judgmental.
i have trouble forgiving people.
i think too fast and talk too much.
i expect to be your top priority. always.
i have trouble talking about my feelings.
i can make biting, hurtful remarks when my feelings are hurt.
i’ll expect you to want to marry me even though i’m not certain i want to marry you. (or anyone)

whew! it’s a good thing i have a sweet ass.

i’ve said it before…and it bears repeating: i just want someone who makes me the best version of me i can be.

the notion of a checklist is great and all, but i’ve found that ‘good on paper’ isn’t necessary good for me.

love is for people who are realistic…and for people who realize that a real relationship IS the ultimate fantasy.

Posted on by shirindawna

i’ve had enough so-so for the rest of my life.

there are few things worse than watching your friend settle for someone who isn’t good enough for them. i just can’t wrap my head around the concept of settling. i mean, sure…nobody is perfect and all that, but they can be perfect for you .
it’s no secret. finding “the one” is no easy feat. if you’ve found that person (or think you have ~ for now, good for you, i’m happy for you. thrilled. ecstatic. and possibly a little envious. if you haven’t, then i can relate.

the media pervades our minds with ideas of forever…and not a realistic version of it. we’re supposed to find ‘the one’ and live happily ever after. don’t get me wrong. i’m secretly a hopeless romantic and i loooooove the all the cheesy movies that are responsible for my lack of clarity when i fall for a boy. but all that said, one does need to keep a level head and realize (sadly) that these situation just don’t tend to happen in real life.

happy endings don’t just materialize after your lost glass slipper created by your fairy godmother is placed on your foot. you have to fight (fairly) for them. and want them. and believe in them. it’s not easy, it takes work. and most people aren’t willing to do what it takes (hence our divorce rate). or maybe we just don’t know HOW to do it? maybe our parents didn’t set the best example? maybe our family is filled with cheaters and liars and we’re unable to figure out how to make a good, healthy relationship work. true love isn’t forever unless you’re really interested in making it work. and based on our fat, lazy society…how many people look like they’re interested in anything that takes any work?

sorry if that’s a little hard to swallow, but i sincerely believe this. for example, i LOVE food. LOVE it. i love sweets, i love peanut butter, i love chips, i LOVE lemon month at souplantation, i love it all. but guess what? i also love fitting into my pants…so, i’ve come to accept that it takes work. it takes exercise, moderation, and constant work. it’s a sad, true fact.

i’m no stranger to love. i’ve loved several times…and several times thought it was my ‘forever love,’ but every time – it didn’t last. the reasons were different each time…but it all essentially boiled down to the same thing: we changed. and grew apart.

my 20 year-old self wanted something very different than my (almost) 30 year-old self does. and my 25 year-old self wanted something completely different than my 27 year-old self…what i’m getting at is: people change…it’s inevitable, but the key seems to be finding someone you can grow with. clearly it happens. otherwise we wouldn’t see couples celebrating 50 year anniversaries. i’m always curious about these couples. are they still in love? were they ever? when the butterflies and sparks fade, what remains?

this has basically just turned into a stream of consciousness at this point…thoughts and ideas on love, relationships…i realize i’m all over the place, but that’s how i am on the subject in general. at least, for now. so, look for love. and be romantic, but remember to use wise mind and in the end, if the love you’ve found doesn’t work then cherish the good memories and look forward to great times ahead.

our experiences will all be different, but in the end, that’s all you have: your own story. and your own experiences by which to define love.

and who knows? maybe you’ll be one of the lucky ones celebrating your 50 year anniversary…

Posted on by shirindawna · 2 Comments

love without the handles.

happy february!

it’s the month of la-la-la-LOVE!

which is sooooo appropriate since my bestie just got ENGAGED! (it actually happened last month, but i was sworn to silence until she made the official announcement. and since she’s my only reader, it made no difference!)

that’s right, folks…another one bites the dust!

j to the k. i couldn’t be happier for her.

just wanted to wish a quick, but still extremely heartfelt, CONGRATS! to my one reader: when you tie the knot, may it never come loose.

…and to say that since i’m currently in intense training for a class, the blog posts may suffer for a bit.

cheers to LOVE! without the handles.