everything i needed to know about love, i learned on the bachelorette.

i’ve spent the better part of my last 15 years in & out of relationships…

if only the bachelorette were around way back when, i believe i could’ve saved myself a good amount of heartache.

the show teaches you everything you need to know about properly navigating a relationship and what to look for when dating a potential mate. (or 25 of them, simultaneously. in a very accelerated manner.)

some gems:

‘love. it don’t come easy.’

‘i wanna live in a bubble with somebody. i wanna live in some idealistic, unrealistic world where we’re convinced that we’re more in love than any couple who has ever lived.’

‘he could’ve stayed. a real man would’ve moved heaven & earth. he would’ve done everything he could to fight for you…he didn’t. he left.’

the facts:

you have to find a guy that will want to guard & protect your heart. so much that he’ll sneak out to tattoo it on his wrist. (okay, maybe that’s a teeny tiny bit extreme)

if you love having long luscious locks, you gotta spring for the $$$ extensions. sometimes even pro hair people can’t make crap extensions look good.

it doesn’t matter how deep of a connection you feel, if the other party is unavailable, you’re outta luck. (i’m referring to the frye boots that jilly rocked, but this can also be applied elsewhere. obvi)

it is important to handle breakups gracefully. at least when people can see you.

when they leave on their own, they almost always come back.

giving someone a second chance sometimes prolongs a necessary ending.

if he wants to play a song he wrote for you on his guitar, RUN. he is going to break your heart. and maybe sleep with your best friend.

you either know or you don’t. there is no middle ground ~ i’m a firm believer that love is a pretty cut & dry reality. it’s difficult, yes. it’s confusing, yes. but, it’s either there and right or it’s not. if you need to sell yourself to someone, you should probably just go shopping elsewhere.

if they don’t give you flowers, they don’t see a future with you.

sometimes you need to put a period where someone has left an ellipses, there is no such thing as: the end…

mad libs for lovers.

once upon a time, i had a boyfriend. boyfriend & i broke up. i decide to write ex-boyfriend lovely, heartfelt letter. i poured my heart and soul into it. i shared everything i had always wanted to tell him, but never had the guts to say. instead of tucking it away like you’re supposed to do with such pieces of writing, i sent it.

fast forward a few years…i come to find that ex-boyfriend has taken MY letter and sent it to another girl AS HIS OWN! what the cuss is that about?! don’t steal my words and sentiments and pass them off as your own. i still can’t understand how she would’ve ever believed that those were his words. i mean, really?! he can’t write like that. the letter was clearly from someone with far more self-awareness than he has (no time for modesty, the letter was really really good).

anyhow, so i’m telling my best friend about this and he thinks up a great idea. i should just do standardized letters for people. mad libs for lovers, if you will.

some of the possible themes we discussed:

i love you so much
i’m sorry i cheated (with your sister/mom/dad/brother/best friend)
you should get tested
i hate what you got me for my birthday
the baby isn’t yours
i want you to move out
my life was better before you
i’ve never been happier
our breakup makes me sad, but i look so good (without you)

did i forget any?