Posted on by shirindawna

bye bye baby.

kissing my freedom goodbye.

i interviewed for a job yesterday and today i accepted an offer. i have a tentative start date of early june. which gives me another couple weeks of freedom…and that leads me to my next thought.

when dating someone wouldn’t it be great if right before things got serious, you had a tentative relationship start date?

should the relationship blossom into a forever type situation, there is usually a period of time when you think, ‘i’ll never have a first kiss again’ or ‘i’ll never experience butterflies or school girl giggles again’ or ‘this is the LAST person i will EVER have s-e-x with…’

in my proposed scenario, you’d be allowed a few weeks in which to sow wild oats, sample other flavors, or just spend some time with your friends…and then once that time period was over, you’d be fully committed. and relationship ready! (allegedly)

something to think about. (and no, i’m not serious. not totally anyway.)

or perhaps you should keep yourself quarantined from the dating world unless you’re ready to make a commitment (should the right person come along…)

while you ponder that, i’ll be saying ‘toodles’ to my carefree life and settling back into the land of timecards and commuting.

look out, corporate america ~ bootsy’s back!

Posted on by shirindawna

bad-itude.

as an unattached 30 year old i’ve discovered that society (and my friends/family) expects me to subject myself to an obnoxious ritual that, while heinous and annoying, might lead me to true love:

dating.

i know, I KNOW… everybody does it and it’s not that bad and it’s so interesting to hear people’s stories and just have fun with it and i’ll never get anywhere with a bad-itude and blah, blah, BLAH.

I KNOW!

and the funny thing is, for how annoying i find the whole ritual, i’m good at it. ridiculously good. as in, i’ve never NOT been asked for date #2 good. but i simply can’t take it anymore. i’ve been on a million dates and i’m over it like justin timberlake is over britney spears. (still one of the greatest tragedies of my time. *siiiiigh*)

dating: it’s just soooo much effort, i’m selfish with my free time and i don’t wanna do it. i’m sick of having the same conversations over & over. i don’t wanna ask and be asked “so, what do you do?” i don’t wanna explain that i hate drinking booze while my date chugs his beer like a frat boy. i don’t wanna spend more than 4 minutes getting foxified only to arrive and think, i wore foundation for this? honestly, some dates are just a complete waste of makeup.

i will say, however, i enjoy being in a relationship. i’d like to just skip the dating/getting to know him part and be safely nestled in a healthy relationship with an intelligent, sweet, attractive, funny guy who likes sitting at home with me and reading a book. please? pretty please? i implore you… genie from the lamp? fairy godmother? santa baby? easter bunny? tooth fairy?

there are some people who actually enjoy dating. they call themselves optimists (and i usually play for their team), but just for today, i’d like to call them annoying as f*@k.

listen up, annoying, i am allowed to have a bad-itude right now. i recently met a boy i didn’t mind putting on makeup for…incredibly cute, really interesting, smart, and funny. too good to be true? YUP! right when i started getting stars in my eyes over him, i was rudely introduced to his complete emotional unavailability. it was an unexpected slap in the face. and i’m annoyed.

currently, i have no clue where he is (figuratively, of course), he might be in the land of bipolar men where he has been made king, good for him! he clearly wasn’t the prince i made him out to be. (*sigh*) it’s rough facing disappointment where you once held hope.

i’ve been at this dating crap since the summer of ‘69. (at least it feels like that long…) i’m ready for my mister to come knocking on my door with a bouquet of peonies, nice shoes, a chunky watch he’ll let me borrow, and the ability to fit all his baggage into a teeny tiny carry-on.

so, just for today, let me complain. let me bitch. let me whine. it won’t last (i’m an optimist at my core). and i’ll start missing companionship after a few weeks (read: days) of feeling sorry for myself. or till i feel the need to share my bed. whichever comes first. (i miss spooning. and those late night talks you have when lying in bed together. i long for that…)

i’ll be the first to admit i’m a hopeful romantic and each boy in my life has been better than the last so i’m thrilled for the possibility of the next. i can only imagine how awesome he’ll be… (see? that darn optimist in me won’t shut up…even when i’m THIS frustrated with dating!)

in the meantime, i’m going to enjoy my solo status. i intend to shop in sweat pants, grow my leg hair long and focus on putting the spark back into my relationship with my rabbit.

during my dating time-out i’m looking forward to: being selfish with my time, not wearing makeup, lounging in comfy pants, catching up on my reading, forgetting to shave my legs, and appreciating delightful bunny ears.

a-men.

Posted on by shirindawna

the nail in the coffin.

i’ve had an ongoing debate with my bestie for a couple years. the topic is so silly i’m (almost) embarrassed to confess it: it’s about who would be who if our group of friends were the characters in sex and the city.

our charlotte is obvious.

and miranda hasn’t been too much of a debate.

if you ask me, this bestie is more of a samantha than a carrie…but her husband begs to differ. he marked me as samantha and her as a carrie.

the thing is, that makes no sense to me…i’m a mostly a prude when it comes to dating and i raaaaarely give up the good-good (which isn’t very carrie, but it’s even less samantha!)

…in my head (and just about every other girl, i’m sure – but this is MY blog, i get to be self-indulgent), i’m SO carrie. in SO many ways.

i have always identified with carrie. she’s all about opening your heart and your mind at the same time. she’s witty, she’s sharp, she’s quirky, but still sexy – in a very accessible, believable way (no time for modesty). carrie and my “storylines” have coincided as i have watched (and re-watched) the show. i feel the inevitable pull from older influences, (and society in general) to “settle down,” whatever that means. and yet, for carrie and i, marriage, babies, and “happily ever after” is not the be-all, end-all in life.

yes ~ i’m mouthy, inappropriate, crass, and impulsive, but at the end of the day, i’m an old-fashioned girl, just like ms bradshaw. we’re sentimental and reflective. we believe in the proverbial ‘one,’ we believe in romance, and most of all: we believe in love.

all women are complex, but i relate to carrie a lot in the way that her needs and feelings are often conflicted and result in charged and sometimes difficult relationships with men. she’s had to know when to walk away, and it’s bittersweet. it’s never easy to strike a balance. not just anyone will do…

when searching for a soulmate, one can never be too picky. and so continues the endless search. carrie was looking for love, real love. “ridiculous, consuming, can’t live without each other love.”

and…
so.
am.
i.

but those things are mostly generalizations…so, let’s get to the nitty gritty. (here’s a short recap):

we’re both writers.
we’re both clothing addicts.
we’re quirky.
we’re neurotic.
we’re both left-handed.

when my last boyfriend and i broke up, he left me the lovely post-it that you see in the top of this post. umm…berger much?! my bestie & i had a nice laugh at this when it happened. a good hard, belly laugh. and we agreed then that i get to be carrie.

but it just got better. so, of course, i HAD to share. i recently heard from my first boyfriend (also my first ever smooch), and he asked me out (i really hope he doesn’t read my blog). after my butterflies subsided, i immediately thought of the ‘boy, interrupted’ episode of sex and the city. and about what carrie said ‘seriously. if i had the guy in high school, what have i been doing for the last twenty years?’

i called my bestie and we agreed that the nail was in the coffin:
i.
am.
carrie.

bummer that her husband married a whore. (or maybe not?!) 😉

Posted on by shirindawna · 2 Comments

it is. written.

this is my favorite spot in my city.

i’ve spent many sunsets and a few sunrises gazing out into the expanse of the ocean and wondering…

i’ve wondered about:
jobs
family
friends
boys
and
love.

no matter what the issue, visiting this spot always makes me feel better. even if it was just the littlest, teeny, tiny bit on my worst, saddest, crappiest day… i’ve visited on my best days and my worst.

it’s my happy place and my thinking spot.

i thought about going here today. to soak up some negative ions (they make you happy, i swear it!), but went for a walk with a friend on a different beach a few miles down. and i’m glad i did. because she said something so lovely that i wouldn’t have heard otherwise. she said that my positive thinking and optimism in situations makes me an inspiration. i was overwhelmed with emotion and failed to properly express how touched i was (which is strange for me because i typically have zero trouble expressing how i feel). i wish i would have. it warmed my heart.

and then a few short hours later another friend told me that being around me made her feel like her again in a time when she felt like she was losing herself and that i ‘have a crazy way of effecting people for the positive’. i will not lie. this made me tear up. i am a not-so-secret sap and i got the warm fuzzies BIG TIME.

thank goodness it’s friday and thank goodness for truly great friends.

the ones who call to tell you they miss you, the ones who stop by to drop off dessert, the ones who send you boots, the ones who text you to tell you they wish they were with you, the ones who french braid your hair, the ones who you can road trip with, the ones who listen to you go on and on about the same boy that is probably getting more shirinergy than he deserves, the ones who agree that red nail polish makes you way bolder than your usual pink, the ones who pet your hair when you sleep, the ones who help you plan your outfits, the ones who you used to date and who now offer an ear and advice, the ones who started as family and became friends, the ones who let you puke on their pillow, the ones who help you see the writing on the wall, the ones who only tell two of their friends when you pee the bed (sober), the ones who call 5 times a day to stay updated on everything going on in your day even when they live across the country, the ones who arrange sleepovers so you can have quality time together, the ones you can tell anything to, the ones who tell you what you need to hear even when you don’t want to listen, the ones who make time in their busy lives, and for all the ones in my life.

i can’t express in words how lucky i feel to know these amazing people. you make my world better. thank you.

you’ve helped me through good times and great times. i’m happy to share my days with you all. i don’t have a clue what my life will bring, but…perhaps, it is written?