daydream believer.
most days i wake up feeling so overwhelmingly grateful for all the things i have in my life. and some days that makes me feel guilty. i don’t deserve it anymore than anyone else does. i mean sure i think i’m remarkable in my own way (no time for modesty, i’m fairly fabulous), but the good fortune i’ve received in my life is beyond what i could ever dream of. and yet, i still dream.
i always have. i have a serious imagination.
when i was 15 i dreamt about what i’d be like at 30. it’s a funny (hilarious, actually) thought. i believed i had my whole life figured out. but the truth is i never really knew who i’d be…until i was. and the who i am now never even crossed my mind.
my forays into life idealized at 30 always included one or all of the following:
a vintage typewriter
a library of first editions
a cool job
a big closet
a backyard (with a treehouse like i used to have)
his & hers sinks (monogrammed towels are optional ~ who am i kidding? no, they aren’t.)
and of course, kids. the kind that never cry, listen to me always, and are so stinkin’ cute that I can’t get enough of them (or their dad).
and traveling…lots and lots of it.
i dreamt i’d be living in a home that could be found in the pages of home & garden magazine. effortlessly stylish, cozy, and all around lovely. and of course, in my fantasy home, i’d be queen of the kitchen. easily whipping up gourmet meals to feed my litter of children as they ran around playing hide & go seek. and stopping to wrap themselves around my legs like little koala bears.
and to counteract this miss susie homemaker-ness, i would also be the jet-setting travel, fashion, music, and editorial maven that i still dream about. i would get paid to travel, to vacation, to experience. and i would write. and write. and write some more.
this was the daydream of a high school teen.
there was always something absent from the daydream though: a boy. i think i already knew that he could be many things, and everything and nothing at all. and that to dream about him would be a lie. while i navigate this ‘dating’ thing at 30, i sometimes wonder if i may have already met him? maybe he was a big love? or maybe we’ve been on only one date, or maybe even i simply passed him on the street.
or maybe, he is out there… daydreaming about me.
i would love a like letter.
anyone who knows me at all knows i’m into writers. i love being won over by words.
this letter was sweet. it made me smile. (editor’s note from the future – the letter was stripped from my blog during the lost years and i have no clue where to find it so we will both have to use our imaginations. apparently, there was something about a peter…)
i thought about writing one similar, except the ‘peter’ i’d be referring to is a little more tawdry. but it deserves a letter. an award. and maybe a trophy.
cheers to ‘peters’ far & wide. and thank heavens the dry spell has ended.
sd was very wet recently. lots of rain. lots of moisture heading into spring.
can’t wait to see what’s in store for my flower.
all gas, no brakes!
i’ve been guilty of putting the pedal to the metal a little more often than i should.
for someone who despises running, i often find myself charging forward and barreling into situations – the irony isn’t lost on me.
my boots have lead bottoms. and slowing down isn’t nearly as exciting as diving in.
head first.
one of my besties recently told me i was unpredictable. and i was shocked, but the truth is: i sorta am.
change is exciting. and life is full of possibilities.
it may not be wise mind, but it’s 100% me. and i’m realizing that’s a lot more fun.
and fun makes me happy.
building forts, faith, and treehouses.
in the past i’ve gone out a limb assuming that i wouldn’t be alone out there, only to find i’m dangling on the edge of a branch. all. by. myself.
…which has sucked.
but the truth is: i would never. ever. take that treacherous branch crawl back. i grew up climbing trees. the ground is boring. and tomorrow isn’t promised.
so, i’m keeping my hopes up. staying optimistic. and hoping that maybe this time will be different…
sdinsd 