Posted on by shirindawna · 3 Comments

everything i needed to know about love, i learned on the bachelorette.

i’ve spent the better part of my last 15 years in & out of relationships…

if only the bachelorette were around way back when, i believe i could’ve saved myself a good amount of heartache.

the show teaches you everything you need to know about properly navigating a relationship and what to look for when dating a potential mate. (or 25 of them, simultaneously. in a very accelerated manner.)

some gems:

‘love. it don’t come easy.’

‘i wanna live in a bubble with somebody. i wanna live in some idealistic, unrealistic world where we’re convinced that we’re more in love than any couple who has ever lived.’

‘he could’ve stayed. a real man would’ve moved heaven & earth. he would’ve done everything he could to fight for you…he didn’t. he left.’

the facts:

you have to find a guy that will want to guard & protect your heart. so much that he’ll sneak out to tattoo it on his wrist. (okay, maybe that’s a teeny tiny bit extreme)

if you love having long luscious locks, you gotta spring for the $$$ extensions. sometimes even pro hair people can’t make crap extensions look good.

it doesn’t matter how deep of a connection you feel, if the other party is unavailable, you’re outta luck. (i’m referring to the frye boots that jilly rocked, but this can also be applied elsewhere. obvi)

it is important to handle breakups gracefully. at least when people can see you.

when they leave on their own, they almost always come back.

giving someone a second chance sometimes prolongs a necessary ending.

if he wants to play a song he wrote for you on his guitar, RUN. he is going to break your heart. and maybe sleep with your best friend.

you either know or you don’t. there is no middle ground ~ i’m a firm believer that love is a pretty cut & dry reality. it’s difficult, yes. it’s confusing, yes. but, it’s either there and right or it’s not. if you need to sell yourself to someone, you should probably just go shopping elsewhere.

if they don’t give you flowers, they don’t see a future with you.

sometimes you need to put a period where someone has left an ellipses, there is no such thing as: the end…

Posted on by shirindawna · 3 Comments

the southernmost snippets.

everyone (the four people that my world revolves around) keeps asking if i’m going to blog about my recent trip…and i’d love to. the only thing is, i only remember it in pieces.

my friends know that drinking for me is rare. i’ll do it on a special occasion and that’s pretty much it. well, not seeing my very best friend in TWO whole years qualifies as the best reason of all. we lived off key lime coladas (heaven in a cup ~ they probably deserve their own blog post) and the most delicious bloody marys i’ve ever had the pleasure of tasting.

it had been too long since i visited key west. i knew i was doing something right when my vacation bartender remembered me after 5 years. clearly. we were really dedicated to our buzz.

without further ado, some of my favorite conversations of the trip:

talking to my best friend’s husband about a guy i had been out with a few times
me: i slipped him some tongue.
friend’s hubby: you’re a maniac.
(yeah, i’m a bit of a prude. whatever!)

the text i sent the morning after my second night.
me: i fell out of a bar window onto the sidewalk.
friend: what?
me: one minute i was inside the bar & the next i was outside.
friend: that is the most epic text i’ve ever received.
me: the bar was called the green parrot. i maintain that i was trying to fly.
(if any of you have been to this spot you know there are wires on the window, i managed to clear them)

the boy i was hanging out with that night claims i ‘really fell for him.’ cute.
he then proceeded to introduce me to all the bartenders in the following way: this is shirin, she fell out of the window of the green parrot.
bartender (after trying to understand the dynamics of my tumble): how? there are wires!
me: if i could explain to you how, i’m fairly certain it wouldn’t have happened.
bartender: what would you like to drink, sweetheart?
me: i’d love a water.
safe to say i was mortified!

bestie: you planned your wedding last night.
me: i did? to who?
bestie: (insert name of boy i was hanging out with the night before)
me: i wonder why i’m single when i plan weddings the first night i hang out with someone??
(to recap, i’ll plan my wedding…but i won’t smooch someone. go figure.)

the morning after our third night…
me: i don’t think key west has nights. i know this because i can’t remember a single one.

at the $5 store where ‘everything & everybody is $5’
me: how much is this? (pointing at a key west romper)
annoyed shop worker: $5
me: and this? (pointing at a camo belt with pockets)
annoyed shop worker: $5
me: how about this? (pointing at some other arbitrary object)
annoyed shop worker: ask me again and it’ll be $6
me: i won’t give you a penny over $4.99

same store on our way out…
bestie (to the hot guy at the door): let’s go.
hottie: (confused look)
bestie: i paid $5 for you at the front.
hottie: why? i would’ve come for free.

it wasn’t just a big drunk fest though. i had the pleasure of visiting ernest hemingway’s house. i soaked up tons of inspiration. there’s something magical about being in a spot where one of your icons worked his craft. even if he was a drunk misogynist.

i totally dorked out in his writing studio for a good 15 minutes until one of the polydactyl cats from the property came charging in and scared the feces out of me.

i can honestly say it was one of the best vacations i’ve ever had.
we filmed segments for two tv shows. to air in march.
had a pants off, dance off.
got caught in the excitement of a stabbing outside the bar we were posted up in.
watched a naked bullriding competition. (don’t get me started on the hygiene issues…)
resurrected our karaoke from 5 years prior that we had formerly promised to NEVER EVER do again.
and i got to see two examples of very happy marriages. nothing warms my heart more than seeing my friends happy.

and to round out the key west experience, i learned the difference between jelly and jam.

i’ve returned home with pieces of my spray tan, dignity, accessories, and memory missing, but my heart is happier than i can ever remember…and i can’t wait till i get to do it all again.

Posted on by shirindawna

reality. not actuality.

confession: i watch bad tv.
seriously awful brainless shows.
in my defense, i usually only have them on in the background while i do other, more productive things (like ebay, facebook, send obnoxious emails to my dad, cook dinner, or daydream about my fantasy closet), but i still inwardly cringe when i see my boyfriend scrolling through the list of my dvr’d shows. it’s embarrassing!

reality tv. my guilty pleasure. i can’t help it, i love the kardashians, adore the dancers on ‘so you think you can dance’, secretly relate to kristen cavallari (even though i claim to hate her ~ team lc all the way, but honestly, lauren is just too goody-two-shoes for me) and find myself oddly fascinated by ‘the girls next door’. admittedly, half the time i find myself gaping at the tv wondering howwwwwwwwww are these girls so dumb? i mean, seriously? baffles me.

in an effort to clean up my act and waste less time on the idiot box, i’ve come to the conclusion that if i own up to all my shows it’ll help me weed out some of the really really bad ones. will it work? unlikely. but…doesn’t hurt to try!
here goes (in no particular order, my brain works in mysterious ways. go with it.):

1. so you think you can dance? (best show on tv, i’ll never give this one up. the choreography is sheer genius…and the outfits. so fun!)

2. the hills (the fake confrontations and pretty clothing will likely keep me watching this for a loooooooooong time. someone pleeeeeeeeease explain to me the appeal of justin bobby. he’s a dirty, filthy, sleazy, d-bag. whhhhy does everyone want to date him? get him off the show and give ME the $100,000 per episode that this loser makes!)

3. the city (if i could make the sex with any city, i’d hump the eff outta nyc. so, i can’t give this show up. it’s sensory overload with fake drama. my.cup.of.tea. or mojito, as is often the case in new york. it stays.)

4. keeping up with kardashians (i love kim. she’s pretty. i love khloe. she’s sassy. i love kourtney. she’s precious.)

5. leaving it up to lamas (i love shayne, i mean, the girl brought 534058930589 pairs of shoes with her when she was on ‘the bachelor’ but i just can’t get into this show. i’ll give this one up.)

6. the girls next door (i’m creeped out by the twins and miss the old girls. although, i’m completely fascinated by the dynamic between the new girls and the old ones…i’ll continue watching this as i ebay for my favorite discontinued under armour sports bras)

7. the real housewives… (i only watch orange county and new york city. in oc, i loved jo and then tamara, and now the rivalry between gretchen and tamara. in new york i watch primarily for bethenny. p.s. kelly, you’re mean! and you’re starting to look a bit weathered, honey. evil makes you old. try nice. i’ll continue watching to remind myeslf why i’d never marry for money. slade’s control issues and huge ego illustrate exactly why i’d prefer to be with a humble bum. although, her ring was GORGEOUS. note to slade, and other d-bags: confidence is hot, cocky is NOT.)

8. the bachelor/ette (contrived romance. great vacations. hot hot hot people. nothing better. i believe in the process…only because how can you NOT fall in love when you’re in these exotic locations with attractive members of the opposite sex? the problems occur after the show ends and you’re not allowed to be with your fiance/e and he/she is at home wathcing you make out with all the other people on the show. who wouldn’t go nuts with jealousy?!)

well. one out of eight ain’t bad. besides, i’m not the quitting type.

at least the shows serve to make me feel smarter. but smarter than dumb…ain’t that smart.