everyone (the four people that my world revolves around) keeps asking if i’m going to blog about my recent trip…and i’d love to. the only thing is, i only remember it in pieces.

my friends know that drinking for me is rare. i’ll do it on a special occasion and that’s pretty much it. well, not seeing my very best friend in TWO whole years qualifies as the best reason of all. we lived off key lime coladas (heaven in a cup ~ they probably deserve their own blog post) and the most delicious bloody marys i’ve ever had the pleasure of tasting.

it had been too long since i visited key west. i knew i was doing something right when my vacation bartender remembered me after 5 years. clearly. we were really dedicated to our buzz.

without further ado, some of my favorite conversations of the trip:

talking to my best friend’s husband about a guy i had been out with a few times
me: i slipped him some tongue.
friend’s hubby: you’re a maniac.
(yeah, i’m a bit of a prude. whatever!)

the text i sent the morning after my second night.
me: i fell out of a bar window onto the sidewalk.
friend: what?
me: one minute i was inside the bar & the next i was outside.
friend: that is the most epic text i’ve ever received.
me: the bar was called the green parrot. i maintain that i was trying to fly.
(if any of you have been to this spot you know there are wires on the window, i managed to clear them)

the boy i was hanging out with that night claims i ‘really fell for him.’ cute.
he then proceeded to introduce me to all the bartenders in the following way: this is shirin, she fell out of the window of the green parrot.
bartender (after trying to understand the dynamics of my tumble): how? there are wires!
me: if i could explain to you how, i’m fairly certain it wouldn’t have happened.
bartender: what would you like to drink, sweetheart?
me: i’d love a water.
safe to say i was mortified!

bestie: you planned your wedding last night.
me: i did? to who?
bestie: (insert name of boy i was hanging out with the night before)
me: i wonder why i’m single when i plan weddings the first night i hang out with someone??
(to recap, i’ll plan my wedding…but i won’t smooch someone. go figure.)

the morning after our third night…
me: i don’t think key west has nights. i know this because i can’t remember a single one.

at the $5 store where ‘everything & everybody is $5’
me: how much is this? (pointing at a key west romper)
annoyed shop worker: $5
me: and this? (pointing at a camo belt with pockets)
annoyed shop worker: $5
me: how about this? (pointing at some other arbitrary object)
annoyed shop worker: ask me again and it’ll be $6
me: i won’t give you a penny over $4.99

same store on our way out…
bestie (to the hot guy at the door): let’s go.
hottie: (confused look)
bestie: i paid $5 for you at the front.
hottie: why? i would’ve come for free.

it wasn’t just a big drunk fest though. i had the pleasure of visiting ernest hemingway’s house. i soaked up tons of inspiration. there’s something magical about being in a spot where one of your icons worked his craft. even if he was a drunk misogynist.

i totally dorked out in his writing studio for a good 15 minutes until one of the polydactyl cats from the property came charging in and scared the feces out of me.

i can honestly say it was one of the best vacations i’ve ever had.
we filmed segments for two tv shows. to air in march.
had a pants off, dance off.
got caught in the excitement of a stabbing outside the bar we were posted up in.
watched a naked bullriding competition. (don’t get me started on the hygiene issues…)
resurrected our karaoke from 5 years prior that we had formerly promised to NEVER EVER do again.
and i got to see two examples of very happy marriages. nothing warms my heart more than seeing my friends happy.

and to round out the key west experience, i learned the difference between jelly and jam.

i’ve returned home with pieces of my spray tan, dignity, accessories, and memory missing, but my heart is happier than i can ever remember…and i can’t wait till i get to do it all again.