Posted on by shirindawna

attack of the 5’10” woman.

in the past couple weeks, i’ve been asked no less than ten times if i got a perm. (i didn’t).

the truth is, i’m just too lazy to straighten my hair.

i have two jobs, a boyfriend, a blog, and a bratty pup ~ there’s no time to tame these locks. i’m lucky if i manage to put my clothes on right-side out…

so, lately i’ve been rocking my big hair (and it is BIG)… oddly enough, i’ve received more hair compliments in the past few weeks, than…umm…ever. which i find hysterical because i don’t think i’ve ever spent less time on my hair.

*sigh*

i digress though…the c-c-c-c-curly locks reminded me of the sex and the city episode where they talk about the movie, “the way we were” in relation to big’s new fiancée.

side bar: i am fully aware that the modern, sophisticated girl isn’t supposed to like the aforementioned show, but i am neither modern nor sophisticated (i consider myself more of a vintage classic, read: an old lady in a younger body) and amidst the froth and frivolousness are gems of bona fide truth. and furthermore, i love the show, the fashion, the froth, and even the frivolusness.

the school of thought is there are two kinds of women:
the pretty and simple girls
the katie girls: wild, untamed, passionate, ambitious

if my hair is any indication, it’s pretty clear which category i fall into…after all, i’m sassy, opinionated, mouthy, inappropriate, challenging, have chipped nail polish, forget to wear make-up, and have seriously wild hair.

while i agree with the notion of the two types of women, i think when it comes to a break up…what’s the point of comparing?

hypothetically speaking (and this is all hypothetical, right ;)) i like to think that if it were me, i wouldn’t trouble myself with the question: why her and why not me?

frankly: who cares?
complicated/simple
curly/straight
ambitious/complacent

who really wants to be the former girlfriend of his with lingering feelings…or maybe just some sort of attachment towards him, who is spending her valuable time worrying about his life when she could be out living her own?

go shopping.
call a friend.
GO TO THE GYM.
eat a cookie.
live YOUR life.

honestly, honey, what difference does it make?

bottom line: you weren’t the one for him and it isn’t meant to be. MOVE ON.

whatever the case, that magical feeling that makes a man want to wife a woman wasn’t there. that doesn’t devalue any past relationships, it just means the relationship existed on borrowed time and eventually you found yourselves at a crossroads where you needed to decide if you were going to walk down a new path together or continue separately…you don’t usually come to that revelation until you’re at the proverbial fork in the road. sometimes that’s months into the relationship, sometimes it takes longer…

my current boyfriend and i knew very early on that this was ‘it’, but there were times when i held on longer than i needed to and fought far too hard and long for something that wouldn’t end up being right.

every relationship is a learning experience and when one ends, it’s prudent to take your lessons and move forward. sure, it’s nice to be nostalgic, but being bitter isn’t pretty. after all, ‘bitterness is a poison pill you swallow and hope the other person dies.’

i may not ever be the girl with the perfect hair or the most appropriate behavior, but i wouldn’t wanna be anyone else.

‘i don’t entirely approve of some of the things i have done, or am, or have been. but i’m me. god knows, i’m me.’ elizabeth taylor

Posted on by shirindawna

the nail in the coffin.

i’ve had an ongoing debate with my bestie for a couple years. the topic is so silly i’m (almost) embarrassed to confess it: it’s about who would be who if our group of friends were the characters in sex and the city.

our charlotte is obvious.

and miranda hasn’t been too much of a debate.

if you ask me, this bestie is more of a samantha than a carrie…but her husband begs to differ. he marked me as samantha and her as a carrie.

the thing is, that makes no sense to me…i’m a mostly a prude when it comes to dating and i raaaaarely give up the good-good (which isn’t very carrie, but it’s even less samantha!)

…in my head (and just about every other girl, i’m sure – but this is MY blog, i get to be self-indulgent), i’m SO carrie. in SO many ways.

i have always identified with carrie. she’s all about opening your heart and your mind at the same time. she’s witty, she’s sharp, she’s quirky, but still sexy – in a very accessible, believable way (no time for modesty). carrie and my “storylines” have coincided as i have watched (and re-watched) the show. i feel the inevitable pull from older influences, (and society in general) to “settle down,” whatever that means. and yet, for carrie and i, marriage, babies, and “happily ever after” is not the be-all, end-all in life.

yes ~ i’m mouthy, inappropriate, crass, and impulsive, but at the end of the day, i’m an old-fashioned girl, just like ms bradshaw. we’re sentimental and reflective. we believe in the proverbial ‘one,’ we believe in romance, and most of all: we believe in love.

all women are complex, but i relate to carrie a lot in the way that her needs and feelings are often conflicted and result in charged and sometimes difficult relationships with men. she’s had to know when to walk away, and it’s bittersweet. it’s never easy to strike a balance. not just anyone will do…

when searching for a soulmate, one can never be too picky. and so continues the endless search. carrie was looking for love, real love. “ridiculous, consuming, can’t live without each other love.”

and…
so.
am.
i.

but those things are mostly generalizations…so, let’s get to the nitty gritty. (here’s a short recap):

we’re both writers.
we’re both clothing addicts.
we’re quirky.
we’re neurotic.
we’re both left-handed.

when my last boyfriend and i broke up, he left me the lovely post-it that you see in the top of this post. umm…berger much?! my bestie & i had a nice laugh at this when it happened. a good hard, belly laugh. and we agreed then that i get to be carrie.

but it just got better. so, of course, i HAD to share. i recently heard from my first boyfriend (also my first ever smooch), and he asked me out (i really hope he doesn’t read my blog). after my butterflies subsided, i immediately thought of the ‘boy, interrupted’ episode of sex and the city. and about what carrie said ‘seriously. if i had the guy in high school, what have i been doing for the last twenty years?’

i called my bestie and we agreed that the nail was in the coffin:
i.
am.
carrie.

bummer that her husband married a whore. (or maybe not?!) 😉

Posted on by shirindawna · 1 Comment

all you need is: love?

according to charlotte york (if you don’t know who she is, stop reading immediately. i won’t make sense to you) you only get two great loves of your life. i like it when people apply tangible things, like: numbers. to intangible things, like: love.

cue: emotional mind.

love. it’s like magic, only better. cuz it’s real. right? i mean, i can’t touch it, but i can feel it. i can’t see it, but i can show it. in any case, (in the wise wise words of the monkees) i’m a believer.

pop culture has successfully influenced me. year after year of sappy romantic comedies, angsty pop music, and dramatic tv shows has convinced me. true love CAN exist. (although, if the latter is any indication, eventually he’ll sleep with my best friend. and probably my mom. who was once thought to be dead. but she isn’t now. and through it all, i have perfect hair. you know what? let’s scratch tv shows from the list. they aren’t sending the right message AT ALL) anyway, i digress…let’s just assume it’s true what they’ve been feeding us: we too can have perfect movie (the notebook)/song (just the way you are) LOVE.

i want so badly to believe that it’s true. so, when i fall in love, i fall HARD. i fall for real. and i fall completely. people find this hard to believe because of my confident, self-assured, independent, and witty (read: often insecure, sometimes jealous, reformed clingy girlfriend and really just dorky) persona.

don’t get me wrong, i’ve had my share of heartbreaks (summer of sin 2005, anyone?). i’ve given up too soon, i’ve held on too long. i’ve been unforgiving, i’ve been too forgiving. i’ve given too much, i’ve taken more than my share. i’ve told lies, i’ve been too honest…yet i’ve never given up hope. while i don’t subscribe to the soulmate theory, i DO believe that there is someone special out there for each one of us. someone who can help us fulfill our dreams, compliment our personalities, make us laugh, make us think, challenge us to be better individuals, give us butterflies AND get us off (sorry baba)… we all have the ability to find someone who can make us happy, REALLY (i can’t get this grin off my face cuz i’m so super in love) happy.

finding your someone is no easy task. it is difficult. it is trying. and sometimes, just when you think things are going great, you’re completely blindsighted by a breakup. a breakup that feels like it’s physically hurting you…you lose your appetite, you can’t sleep, you cry nonstop, you can’t understand WHY?!, you talk about him to anyone who will listen, you pretend to be better, you leave the house, you put on makeup, you dance with other boys, you laugh, you flirt, you see him with another girl. you get blackout drunk. you lose your nose ring. puke. wash. rinse. repeat.

through it all though, we can’t seem to stop trying. and we can’t seem to give up or stop believing for one second that our someone (or someones, as the case may very well be) is out there.

sorry char, but you can’t quantify love. it isn’t rational. it just isn’t. it doesn’t always make sense. but it feels amazing. and it’s magical…and for that, i’m still willing to walk face-first into the dark and pray that maybe somehow, this time it’ll work out. (fingers crossed, here’s hoping!)