the path to misandry.
it’s the unqualified, newly promoted manager asking me to falsify documents because the client requested it.
it’s the one i thought i loved only to learn that my grief over losing my dad was too overwhelming for him and his solution was to seek solace in someone else.
it’s the same guy who helped himself to my baba’s gold coins after i kicked him out of my condo.
it’s the meeting full of men who argue with everything i say until a man says the exact same thing and suddenly they’re all listening.
it’s the guy who can’t get past thinking breasts were made for him and not for their true intention, feeding littles.
it’s the ex who equates net worth with self-worth.
it’s the man who asked to speak to my brother when i was coordinating my dad’s burial because only men can be qualified to do these things.
it’s the creep who wouldn’t take no for an answer.
it’s the furniture installer who spoke to me like a child after calling him out for doing the job incorrectly. (this day will live in infamy in my home. if you know, you know. SIR.)
it’s the client who hated me because i’m assertive and woman aren’t allowed to be.
it’s the guy at work trying to convince me to perform illegal tasks, even after i clearly stated multiple times that i wasn’t comfortable with the ask.
it’s the same guy who asked “who told?” when management called him out on it. (i took great delight in telling him it was me)
it’s the guy who assumed i owed him sex because he flew me out to visit him.
it’s the employee at the car dealership who speaks only to my husband.
it’s the client who wants me, a very experienced (and excellent – no time for modesty, this is a post of bullet points) editor, to justify my cost when he can hire someone right out of college to do the work for less. (you get what you pay for, in this instance).
it’s the reason i started to hate work.
it’s the reason i don’t want to return.
all of my enemies started out friends.
this is the story of a horrible person. i worked with her at a fitness studio and she was so filled with hate and spite that it physically pained me to be near her. i learned exactly how miserable of a person she was as i was mourning the loss of my dad. she seized the opportunity to take advantage of my sorrow and grief and used it to try and advance her standing at the fitness studio. honestly, good for her. she was a terrible instructor so get ahead how you can, loser.
my friends and i still laugh about the time she posted a gorgeous scenic photo of her hometown in the pacific northwest and i left a comment saying “you should move back there.”
she immediately blocked me.
i’m still not sorry. i regret nothing.
(maybe someday, after i stop laughing about it, i will share about how she threw herself at my ex ~ after we split ~ and he was not at all interested in her)
love has no limits.
i don’t think it’s a conincidence that i found this on the day after father’s day. during my dad’s first long stint in the hospital, we started a tradition of me reading to him while he was bedridden – something that happened far too often in the years following. we started with one of his favorite scholars: einstein. and so in honor of his favorite..and mine (read: baba), i share this letter that einstein wrote to his daughter. it reminds me so much of my own baba: part mad scientist, part adoring father, and all love… it is nothing short of genius.
When I proposed the theory of relativity, very few understood me, and what I will reveal now to transmit to mankind will also collide with the misunderstanding and prejudice in the world.
I ask you to guard the letters as long as necessary, years, decades, until society is advanced enough to accept what I will explain below.
There is an extremely powerful force that, so far, science has not found a formal explanation to. It is a force that includes and governs all others, and is even behind any phenomenon operating in the universe and has not yet been identified by us. This universal force is LOVE.
When scientists looked for a unified theory of the universe they forgot the most powerful unseen force. Love is Light, that enlightens those who give and receive it. Love is gravity, because it makes some people feel attracted to others. Love is power, because it multiplies the best we have, and allows humanity not to be extinguished in their blind selfishness. Love unfolds and reveals. For love we live and die. Love is God and God is Love.
This force explains everything and gives meaning to life. This is the variable that we have ignored for too long, maybe because we are afraid of love because it is the only energy in the universe that man has not learned to drive at will.
To give visibility to love, I made a simple substitution in my most famous equation. If instead of E = mc2, we accept that the energy to heal the world can be obtained through love multiplied by the speed of light squared, we arrive at the conclusion that love is the most powerful force there is, because it has no limits.
After the failure of humanity in the use and control of the other forces of the universe that have turned against us, it is urgent that we nourish ourselves with another kind of energy…
If we want our species to survive, if we are to find meaning in life, if we want to save the world and every sentient being that inhabits it, love is the one and only answer.
Perhaps we are not yet ready to make a bomb of love, a device powerful enough to entirely destroy the hate, selfishness and greed that devastate the planet.
However, each individual carries within them a small but powerful generator of love whose energy is waiting to be released.
When we learn to give and receive this universal energy, dear Lieserl, we will have affirmed that love conquers all, is able to transcend everything and anything, because love is the quintessence of life.
I deeply regret not having been able to express what is in my heart, which has quietly beaten for you all my life. Maybe it’s too late to apologize, but as time is relative, I need to tell you that I love you and thanks to you I have reached the ultimate answer!
Your father,
Albert Einstein
everything changes. nothing changes.
this past year has been the ultimate lesson for a control freak. or series of lessons…
i. just. don’t. learn.
i had a tough time admitting that the last couple weeks i’ve shut myself off from people i love… independence as a defense mechanism. it’s an old game for me. one i thought i gave up years ago…
old patterns in new times is a strange place to be. especially when i learned long ago that shutting myself off doesn’t serve me. totally serves my ego. disconnecting from the world. pushing people away before i get pushed. it’s so cliched. and i will admit, i’m disappointed in me.
hearing someone close to me point out my recent intimacy and trust issues was difficult, but eye-opening…
somewhere on my path, i stopped feeling like the world is a safe place…and stopped trusting myself. it’s a bizarre turn of events. and difficult to let go of controlling outcomes…but i am trying. and sometimes succeeding.
i am learning to be okay with relying on other people. and asking for a hug when i need one.
there’s no shame in the truth:
for now, I’m a little broken. and a little better for admitting it.
sdinsd 