Posted on by shirindawna · 1 Comment

who’s your daddy?

my head is spinning. i have become enamored with an unlikely mentor. papa hemingway has spent the better part of my morning capturing my heart.

when i was at hemingway’s house i bought a few books. the one i am currently reading is ‘ernest hemingway on writing’…and i’m surprised to find that his thoughts & mine are often the same. i have great respect for old ernest & his crafty ability, but i never anticipated sharing so many similar thoughts with a perpetually drunk misogynist. perhaps i should’ve been born a male?

some gems from old e:

‘writing is something that you can never do as well as it can be done. it is a perpetual challenge and it is more difficult than anything else that i have ever done-so i do it. and it makes me happy when i do it well.’ (i think i said this exact thing last night…and reiterated it this morning)

‘do you suffer when you write? i don’t at all. suffer like a bastard when don’t write, or just before and feel empty and fucked out afterwards. but never feel as good as while writing.’ (it’s like he pulled the thoughts right out of my head)

‘there is no future in anything. i hope you agree. that is why i like it at a war. every day and every night there is a strong possibility that you will get killed and not have to write. i have to write to be happy whether i get paid for it or not. but it is a hell of a disease to be born with. i like to do it. which is even worse. that makes it even worse. that makes it from a disease into a vice. then i want to do it better than anybody has ever done it which makes it into an obsession. an obsession is terrible. hope you haven’t gotten any. that’s the only one I’ve got left.’ (this is the one that cemented my love for my dear ernest. i couldn’t have said it better myself…though i shall try.)

Posted on by shirindawna

mediocrity.

is lame.

i can’t imagine settling for anything less than my personal best. life is too precious for mediocre. and frankly, i’m too good for that.

who wants to be average? sounds mundane. and yawn-inducing. i have no interest.

truth is, i’ve never been able to do anything with half my heart anyway. and i can’t wrap my head around why you’d want to…

so i’m pushing forward. breaking down walls. and taking no prisoners. (unless they’re very dreamy and can make me laugh)

Posted on by shirindawna

it ain’t me, babe.

i have a theory. regarding kitchen appliances and love. namely ovens and stovetops.

i affectionally refer to it as my back burner theory.

if you know me at all, you know i’m a big big fan of honesty. i’m not into wasting other people’s time. or my own.

which is why this back burner thing is slightly disturbing to me.

example, i met a boy. i really liked him. thought he was interesting, attractive, could match wits. i was interested. but then he asked me one day ‘this girl likes me, how do i blow her off?’

cue record scratching sound. i said ‘why not try honesty? something along the lines of: i’m just not feeling a romantic connection.’ when i’m not feeling it, i let it be known. i’m all about cutting people loose when i need to.

he thought that was mean. his solution was to make up an excuse and keep stringing her along. (i.e. put her on the back burner.) i think the truth is kinder. i’d rather tell someone i’m not feeling it and let them move on. allow them to find someone who feels the same way they do. when i explained this to the boy and called him out the back burner thing, he said ‘i have a big stove top’. i immediately became uninterested. anyone that needs to keep people around for reassurance that badly is not right for me.

my stove top is small and only has room for front burners.

as an aside, regarding the photo for this post: i waited over 6 years for this lovely mixer. i asked for it for every birthday/christmas/valentine’s day/fourth of july/monday/tuesday/wednesday/thursday/friday/saturday/sunday. finally, for my 30th birthday, my bestie gifted it to me. it’s everything i dreamed of. and more. just like her. and whether there is a boy in my life or not, she’ll always be a front burner.

Posted on by shirindawna

the sound of music.

while on vacation with my best friend and her husband this week, she insisted that i talk to the guy that was singing along with the live band we were watching.

bestie: shirin! come talk to this guy, he’s got pipes.
me: (to her husband) yeah, but he doesn’t have looks.
bestie: he’s such a great singer!
me: (to her husband) will you tell your wife i’m trying to start a family, not a band.

i don’t know how i got to be this funny.

Posted on by shirindawna

howl.

when i was a kid, i had an irrational fear of wolves. i was convinced they were going to come to my house & ravish me. clearly, ‘little red riding hood’ and ‘the 3 little pigs’ traumatized me.

my fear of wolves has since faded, but when i heard about this old native american legend, i was once again intrigued.

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

just goes to show…not all of them are big, bad wolves. and there’s nothing to fear.