Posted on by shirindawna

this is the fear, this is the dread, these are the contents of my head.

i’m suffering from massive blogger’s block. at this point, i have seven half-written blogs. i can’t bring myself to finish them. i’m not sure what my malfunction is…if i had to hazard a guess, i’d say it’s a bad case of the crazies mixed with a little wanderlust.

i battle the crazy on a daily (read: minute by minute) basis.

the fact is, i’m completely neurotic, often anxious, and get caught up in these insane hypotheticals that i invent in my own head. i don’t know why i’m sharing this. i don’t know why i share most of the things i do…especially since i’m not really a fan of sharing. ask my mom. (about my inability to share, not about what a head case i am)

don’t get me wrong. i mean, i think i’m fabulous, but i recognize that even in all my amazing-ness – there is room for improvement. let’s not get too deep here though, that’s a different topic for another day. i just spent the better part of the morning trapped in my head over-analyzing something that i just need to let go.

apparently, ‘letting go’ for me somehow translates to ‘i need a vacation’ (just go with it). and so i’m sitting here…thinking/plotting/planning where i’d like to go. and then i realize: it doesn’t matter where you go, honey. you gotta take all your crazy with you.

so, for now. i’m staying put. in my head.

watch out, world. (read: poor, sweet boyfriend who has to put up with me)

Posted on by shirindawna · 1 Comment

mad libs for lovers.

once upon a time, i had a boyfriend. boyfriend & i broke up. i decide to write ex-boyfriend lovely, heartfelt letter. i poured my heart and soul into it. i shared everything i had always wanted to tell him, but never had the guts to say. instead of tucking it away like you’re supposed to do with such pieces of writing, i sent it.

fast forward a few years…i come to find that ex-boyfriend has taken MY letter and sent it to another girl AS HIS OWN! what the cuss is that about?! don’t steal my words and sentiments and pass them off as your own. i still can’t understand how she would’ve ever believed that those were his words. i mean, really?! he can’t write like that. the letter was clearly from someone with far more self-awareness than he has (no time for modesty, the letter was really really good).

anyhow, so i’m telling my best friend about this and he thinks up a great idea. i should just do standardized letters for people. mad libs for lovers, if you will.

some of the possible themes we discussed:

i love you so much
i’m sorry i cheated (with your sister/mom/dad/brother/best friend)
you should get tested
i hate what you got me for my birthday
the baby isn’t yours
i want you to move out
my life was better before you
i’ve never been happier
our breakup makes me sad, but i look so good (without you)

did i forget any?

Posted on by shirindawna · 1 Comment

sticks and stones.

let’s be honest. (i always am. well, mostly always) sticks and stones can hurt and all, but it’s the words of the people i care about that really stay with me. and that really have the power to bruise. or heal. or make you fall in love. or cause you to fall out of love. or break your heart. or stop the pain.

they’re magic. and everyone knows, magic isn’t always good.

words are powerful. anyone who says they’re not is:

a) silly
b) wrong
c) a bad writer
d) possibly all of the above

exhibit a: words of encouragement

i heard a story last night. it was about me. my cousin’s boyfriend was telling me about a story my dad had told him. my pop-sicle said that he would’ve given up his fight with cancer after his massive surgery if it hadn’t been for me. my dad said that the moment i crawled into his hospital bed and said ‘please don’t give up,’ he knew he had to hang on.

exhibit b: words of inspiration

see exhibit a. (yes, this one was just filler. so what? it’s my world. i make the rules around here.)

exhibit c: words of wisdom

don’t spit into the wind. (thanks, jim croce)

one of the best pieces of advice i’ve ever received came from one of my very best friends (yes, i’ve mentioned it before, but it really bears repeating). the advice came at the perfect time for me. i was 23. engaged (i’ll tell you about it later). living in kansas (you don’t even want to know). and terribly unhappy. i missed my friends. i missed my family. and i missed my independence. she said that we only get 80-some years to do all the things we want in life and considering we were already a quarter through, we didn’t have time to waste in unhappy situations. she was right. i wasn’t happy. and i deserve to be. we all do. so, i cut my losses. called off a wedding. and came home. on my little bravery kick, i also told my dad i had a tattoo. i actually have two, but i only told him about the one that he could potentially see 😉

exhibit d: song lyrics

i love music. i love how it can cheer me up. make me sad. make me dance. make me cry. make me miss someone. make me happy they’re gone. make me wish they’d never left. (music holds it’s own magic, but the lyrics…that’s what we’re discussing today, kids)

sooo many to mention. so, i’ll touch on a personal favorite. since it incorporates several of my favorite themes (fantasy, creativity, love ~ if you must ask): ‘if you weren’t real, i’d make you up. now.’ so simple. so true. and damn, i wish i’d wrote it! i’m so tickled at the thought of bringing ‘him’ to life, except guess what?! he’s real! ahh, bliss.

exhibit e: words from the heart (my personal favorite)

this one can encompass all the aforementioned categories. this is the one i look forward to when i get a birthday card, a letter, a phone call, a text (don’t laugh. i’ve fallen in love based on witty texts).

boys, if you’re gifted with words (you know who you are). please write. and even if you’re not, try. because we love it. because we eat it up. and because it makes us love you. trust me.

words: they’re my kryptonite.

Posted on by shirindawna · 2 Comments

happy birthday month to me.

it’s the start of the month that marks the last year of my twenties.

seriously? when did that happen? where have i been? oh yeah, spain, kansas, d.c., key west, italy, almost cabo, vegas, nyc, mexico, monterey, fresno, palm springs, around the block, stuck in my head, the men’s locker room, and a couple other places…

it seems like yesterday when my best friend, christina, and i were tramping it up in vegas sitting on the laps of the the guys with the rock n’ roll good looks. that was EIGHT years ago. 8! really? geez. i’ve done far less with a decade than i anticipated.

some highlights. i’ve:
been to spain.
seen the running of the bulls.
had a boyfriend cheat on me.
fallen in love with san sebastian.
cried over a boy on september 11th instead of the towers.
terrorized vegas almost every weekend of 2002.
became an english major.
had my heart broken. it hurt.
done new year’s eve in times square.
cheated on a boyfriend.
gotten engaged.
lived in kansas.
broken someone’s heart.
gotten my nose pierced.
watched one of my best friends get married.
been to key west. twice.
learned to surf.
visited chicago with my best friends.
had cosmetic surgery. (yes, my nose is custom. i’m persian. it’s expected)
gotten my nose re-pierced.
traveled throughout italy with my mom.
moved in with a boyfriend.
failed at my relationship.
failed a college course.
graduated college.
scored a big-girl job.
adopted the cutest pup on the planet.
failed to train the cutest pup on the planet.
failed to cry for almost an entire year.
cried at everything for weeks.
fallen in love.
fallen out of love.
fallen in love again.
gone skydiving with my brother.
written a love letter.
written a like letter.
hurt a friend.
watched my dad battle cancer.
watched a friend lose a dad to cancer.
lost my last grandparent to cancer.
watched britney in concert three times.
became pals with cuba gooding jr.
made an ass of myself in front of usher.
stalked jt. (and britney)
baked an amazing cheesecake.
been thrown a surprise party.
peed my pants.
listened to a friend in an abusive relationship.
started a blog.

i’m having major anxiety about the start of my last year of my twenties. there’s SO much i still want to do. how in the world do you fit it all in before you die?!

i’m having so much more trouble with this year than any of the previous ones. obvi, i can’t do anything about it. and besides, ‘age only matters if you’re a cheese.’ but still, the years go by quickly. and the days so slowly…go figure.