Posted on by shirindawna

too smart for my own good?

ignorance is bliss.

i’m a smart girl.

are you doing the math? i have. and it ain’t pretty.

bliss often evades me.

it’s okay though. (read: i need to stop being so damn analytical about: every. damn thing.) and by ‘every. damn. thing.’ i mostly mean: boys. and sometimes: my friends. mostly boys though. and mostly just ‘boy.’ whoever he turns out to be…at that point in my life.

another day of being wrapped up in my thoughts. i can’t even begin to tell you how many times recently i’ve had to actively stop my train of thought and redirect my focus. it’s the oddest thing. my hypothetical scenarios and overactive imagination are hindering normal brain activity.

but if you know me at all, you’d know: i prefer strange to normal any day.

and besides “Love takes up where knowledge leaves off” (~ Saint Thomas Aquinas) so based on that…i guess, sometimes…it’s okay to stop thinking?

Posted on by shirindawna · 4 Comments

all that i am.

i owe you an apology. dear one reader that i have, i’m sorry for my lack of blogs. i’ve been self-absorbed and so wrapped up in my own head that i haven’t shared any of my (so totally awesome) thoughts with you. for that, i’m so sincerely sorry. you’re better for it though. trust.

he (it’s proverbial. or maybe not? in any case, i don’t reveal identities) said i’m like a hurricane. and to never be less than i am.

i guess it’s not the worst thing to be compared to a force of nature. but i immediately took offense to the comparison. hurricanes have a bad rep! i mean, who gets excited about a hurricane?! it’s something you dread, fear, and hope will pass quickly. why couldn’t he say i was a rainbow? everybody loves rainbows! they’re pretty and cheery and brighten your day. always.

upon some reflection (read: i couldn’t sleep after he said it), i realized…it’s true. i am a bit of a hurricane. please see the following evidence.

exhibit a: i have no concept of moderation. with anything.
exhibit b: i do tend to tear through things (read: boys, clothing, and the like)
exhibit c: i can be a bit of a nightmare. on a bad day.

it’s no secret that i want to be the girl in the song. so perhaps this time he was referring to neil young?

‘You are like a hurricane
There’s calm in your eye.
And I’m gettin’ blown away
To somewhere safer
where the feeling stays.
I want to love you but
I’m getting blown away.

I am just a dreamer,
but you are just a dream,
You could have been
anyone to me.’

it’s a nice thought, isn’t it? instead of my original one of being hated and dreaded. sometimes it’s all in your perspective…that’s what i’ve learned in this last month. sometimes, you just need to take a step back – get away from the negative thoughts and put a positive spin on things. easier said (typed) than done. but i’m trying. and i’m a work in progress. and if i’m being 100% honest, he’s more citizen cope than neil young anyway…

‘I will carry you through the hurricane waters
And I’ll remember you in the blue skies

Something happens when
You’re caught searching for an answer
When you’re stuck in the middle
Of a place that you don’t belong
When you start to lose sight of what’s right and wrong
When we started it was innocent
‘Cause when we started it was innocent’

so, while i’m typically the one that’s right. he wins here.

i am. a true force of nature.

and maybe, just maybe… someday there will be a boy who will think of me like john green describes:

“I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep… sleep together in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage… I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was hurricane.”

Posted on by shirindawna

my 2 dads: a tribute to the best and the bonus.

i’m a very lucky girl. in the dad department, i scored BIG!

my mom and i have certainly had our issues (more on that later. maybe.), but she picked me out the 2 best dads on the planet. i seriously don’t think she could’ve done better for me (and my brother. though, he’s even luckier than i am cuz he gets both dads AND me as a sissy!)

my dad is the best. he’s generous, loving, and would do anything for me. he’s taught me about unconditional love, math (against my will), and continues to remind me of my brilliance daily. he’s always there when i need him and has done everything in his ability to make my life easier. plus, my love of books is due to him (and if you know me AT ALL, you know how i love love love the books). he always encouraged me to read and was always willing to buy me any book i ever wanted (shel silverstein, i love you! but not more than my dads). if my heart could take a human form, it’d likely look identical to him. my friends are constantly begging for him to adopt them. sorry folks, he’s all mine!

my bonus dad is the greatest. he’s patient, kind, calm, compassionate, and somehow managed to stick around through my bratty adolescence. he is the perfect compliment to my nutty mom. it doesn’t even feel right to call him a step-dad because he’s so much more than that, hence why i refer to him as bonus dad. i can barely remember a time when he wasn’t part of our lives. he was there when i was learning to drive (i remember him making me drive the car in reverse up a dirt road hill because he said most accidents happened while in reverse), he’s the one that taught me how to change my oil (i don’t remember how to do this, but i tell people that i do, for street cred), he didn’t say a single negative thing when i was going through my i love jim morrison phase and wrote ‘jim morrison is god’ (blasphemous, i KNOW! shoot me, i was young) in his birthday card instead of something heartfelt (sorry about that. my mom yelled at me about it and i STILL feel badly), and he’s always been a great sounding board (he gives damn good advice too, without sounding judge-y. he’s pretty remarkable). i hope to be half the parent he didn’t have to be.

i know i don’t thank them enough for the roles they’ve had in making me who i am. and for helping me develop into the amazing, lovely, and incredibly intelligent person i’ve blossomed into. so, here it is: thank you both. you mean the world to me. and i love you, more than i’ll ever be able to express.

(thanks mom.)

Posted on by shirindawna · 3 Comments

i’m a best friend whore.

lots of people collect things:
shot glasses.
teapots. (my mom)
those weird little spoons. (i don’t get that – it’s bizarre)
matches. (me)
boots. (me)
jeans. (me)
sunglasses (someone who i’m not permitted to mention in my blog)
best friends! (me, again.)

when it comes to best friends, i’m hard pressed to pick just one.

there are five gals that i went to high school with and am still very very close to and i consider them all my besties.

(i’m not comfortable naming names because my wildly popular blog invites stalkers. no, that’s not true. i don’t have any readers. just you girls. but still…i shall honor your privacy)

without further ado:

gal #1: loves everyone and everything (mostly). has the best laugh in the world. and i just adore the crap outta her. she’s so sweet that i worry about her sometimes, i’m completely overprotective of her…but she’s a tough little cookie. she can handle herself. however! if anyone hurt her, i wouldn’t hesitate to cut someone.

gal #2: my sounding board when i’m feeling a little crazy. she supplies me with wise mind, a fresh pair of eyes to see the situation with, and most importantly, wears the same shoe size as me. she’s my little bookend. (and closer to wise mind than i’ll ever be, but i’d never ever admit that to her)

gal #3: my courageous one. she’s the one with an air of mystery about her. (i’ve always wanted an air of mystery, but can’t seem to attain one. i think it’s because i talk too much. and overshare. all the time. oh well.) she’s also my favorite activity partner. i can always count on her to join me for a fun workout class or a hike. i love her for her honesty (she’s quick to tell you how she feels and i respect that!) and her spirit.

gal #4: i call her my sister. we’ve been through some rough patches (we used to be very alike). she’s a bit of a drifter. at times we’re super close and other times we will go weeks without talking. in any case, in my heart she remains.

gal #5: the milf. if you knew this girl in high school, she’d probably be the last girl you’d guess would be married with two (gorgeous) kids. she was my first friend in high school and the one that i was the closest to throughout the years. she’s more than a friend, she’s like a part of my family. my dad considers her his other daughter. she’s the one that knows all my secrets, all my fears, and all that matters in my life.

there are a handful more (specifically two) that i refer to as my best friends as well and i know there are several more that refer to me as their besties. i must say, there are few things more flattering than being introduced to someone as “shirin, my best friend”. i get so giddy when i hear it. i love love love it. when my pals say it, i hear “this is shirin. out of all my friends, she is the BEST, my FAVORITE. all the others come after her.” hence, i win!

and if you know me, then you’re well aware: i play to win. or not at all.