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sticks and stones.

let’s be honest. (i always am. well, mostly always) sticks and stones can hurt and all, but it’s the words of the people i care about that really stay with me. and that really have the power to bruise. or heal. or make you fall in love. or cause you to fall out of love. or break your heart. or stop the pain.

they’re magic. and everyone knows, magic isn’t always good.

words are powerful. anyone who says they’re not is:

a) silly
b) wrong
c) a bad writer
d) possibly all of the above

exhibit a: words of encouragement

i heard a story last night. it was about me. my cousin’s boyfriend was telling me about a story my dad had told him. my pop-sicle said that he would’ve given up his fight with cancer after his massive surgery if it hadn’t been for me. my dad said that the moment i crawled into his hospital bed and said ‘please don’t give up,’ he knew he had to hang on.

exhibit b: words of inspiration

see exhibit a. (yes, this one was just filler. so what? it’s my world. i make the rules around here.)

exhibit c: words of wisdom

don’t spit into the wind. (thanks, jim croce)

one of the best pieces of advice i’ve ever received came from one of my very best friends (yes, i’ve mentioned it before, but it really bears repeating). the advice came at the perfect time for me. i was 23. engaged (i’ll tell you about it later). living in kansas (you don’t even want to know). and terribly unhappy. i missed my friends. i missed my family. and i missed my independence. she said that we only get 80-some years to do all the things we want in life and considering we were already a quarter through, we didn’t have time to waste in unhappy situations. she was right. i wasn’t happy. and i deserve to be. we all do. so, i cut my losses. called off a wedding. and came home. on my little bravery kick, i also told my dad i had a tattoo. i actually have two, but i only told him about the one that he could potentially see 😉

exhibit d: song lyrics

i love music. i love how it can cheer me up. make me sad. make me dance. make me cry. make me miss someone. make me happy they’re gone. make me wish they’d never left. (music holds it’s own magic, but the lyrics…that’s what we’re discussing today, kids)

sooo many to mention. so, i’ll touch on a personal favorite. since it incorporates several of my favorite themes (fantasy, creativity, love ~ if you must ask): ‘if you weren’t real, i’d make you up. now.’ so simple. so true. and damn, i wish i’d wrote it! i’m so tickled at the thought of bringing ‘him’ to life, except guess what?! he’s real! ahh, bliss.

exhibit e: words from the heart (my personal favorite)

this one can encompass all the aforementioned categories. this is the one i look forward to when i get a birthday card, a letter, a phone call, a text (don’t laugh. i’ve fallen in love based on witty texts).

boys, if you’re gifted with words (you know who you are). please write. and even if you’re not, try. because we love it. because we eat it up. and because it makes us love you. trust me.

words: they’re my kryptonite.

Posted on by shirindawna · 1 Comment

star light, star bright.

i wish. on everything.

i wish wishing worked.

when i was 8, i got a fortune cookie. it read: you will have everything you wish for. (it lied)

i’m not an overly superstitious person, although i try not to walk under ladders, break mirrors, step on cracks on the sidewalk (just in case. better safe than sorry, right?! right!)

when it comes to wishing, i will wish on anything (read: everything i can think of):

i hold my breath in tunnels.

i throw coins in fountains. (tossed one over my shoulder into the trevi. YES i did! and then ate gelato)

i blow away eyelashes.

i wish on the first star i see each night.

i wish on shooting stars.

i wish on the candles of my birthday cake

i wish on the bigger side of the wishbone (after wishing that i’ll get the bigger side of the wishbone)

i blow on dandelions.

i make a wish if a ladybeetle lands on me. (i’ve recently modified this to include butterflies, since for some reason, they LOVE landing on me)

sometimes, i’ll wish on nothing at all. but i make deals with the universe. example: if i don’t look at the clock on the treadmill until an ENTIRE minute passes (treadmill minutes are not real world minutes, they move about ten times slower), then my pup will never ever die. or those william rast jeans will appear at my door. or i’ll get free louboutins for life!

i didn’t even realize how much i did this until i was in san francisco this weekend holding my breath in a tunnel and realizing i forgot to make a wish…and then i thought: oh well, that’s okay. i’ll just defer to my standby wish.

umm, that’s right. i have a standby wish. several years ago, i made a deal with the universe that in the instance i forget to wish, we should insert my ‘go to wish’. i think i actually said this aloud to my best friend and that’s when it clicked…i’m not normal. and honestly, i never want to me.

problem is, i no longer recall my understudy wish. guess i’ll have to make a new one!

Posted on by shirindawna · 1 Comment

all you need is: love?

according to charlotte york (if you don’t know who she is, stop reading immediately. i won’t make sense to you) you only get two great loves of your life. i like it when people apply tangible things, like: numbers. to intangible things, like: love.

cue: emotional mind.

love. it’s like magic, only better. cuz it’s real. right? i mean, i can’t touch it, but i can feel it. i can’t see it, but i can show it. in any case, (in the wise wise words of the monkees) i’m a believer.

pop culture has successfully influenced me. year after year of sappy romantic comedies, angsty pop music, and dramatic tv shows has convinced me. true love CAN exist. (although, if the latter is any indication, eventually he’ll sleep with my best friend. and probably my mom. who was once thought to be dead. but she isn’t now. and through it all, i have perfect hair. you know what? let’s scratch tv shows from the list. they aren’t sending the right message AT ALL) anyway, i digress…let’s just assume it’s true what they’ve been feeding us: we too can have perfect movie (the notebook)/song (just the way you are) LOVE.

i want so badly to believe that it’s true. so, when i fall in love, i fall HARD. i fall for real. and i fall completely. people find this hard to believe because of my confident, self-assured, independent, and witty (read: often insecure, sometimes jealous, reformed clingy girlfriend and really just dorky) persona.

don’t get me wrong, i’ve had my share of heartbreaks (summer of sin 2005, anyone?). i’ve given up too soon, i’ve held on too long. i’ve been unforgiving, i’ve been too forgiving. i’ve given too much, i’ve taken more than my share. i’ve told lies, i’ve been too honest…yet i’ve never given up hope. while i don’t subscribe to the soulmate theory, i DO believe that there is someone special out there for each one of us. someone who can help us fulfill our dreams, compliment our personalities, make us laugh, make us think, challenge us to be better individuals, give us butterflies AND get us off (sorry baba)… we all have the ability to find someone who can make us happy, REALLY (i can’t get this grin off my face cuz i’m so super in love) happy.

finding your someone is no easy task. it is difficult. it is trying. and sometimes, just when you think things are going great, you’re completely blindsighted by a breakup. a breakup that feels like it’s physically hurting you…you lose your appetite, you can’t sleep, you cry nonstop, you can’t understand WHY?!, you talk about him to anyone who will listen, you pretend to be better, you leave the house, you put on makeup, you dance with other boys, you laugh, you flirt, you see him with another girl. you get blackout drunk. you lose your nose ring. puke. wash. rinse. repeat.

through it all though, we can’t seem to stop trying. and we can’t seem to give up or stop believing for one second that our someone (or someones, as the case may very well be) is out there.

sorry char, but you can’t quantify love. it isn’t rational. it just isn’t. it doesn’t always make sense. but it feels amazing. and it’s magical…and for that, i’m still willing to walk face-first into the dark and pray that maybe somehow, this time it’ll work out. (fingers crossed, here’s hoping!)

Posted on by shirindawna · 2 Comments

how the hell did this happen?

when did i get old.er?!

several years ago, (during one of my crises, not the self-induced ones that i’m notorious for ~ THAT time) one of my best friends once told me that we only get eighty-some years to do all the things we want with our lives, and we were already a quarter through our lives so we didn’t have time to waste. it was the kick in the butt i needed, at the time. well, that and watching the notebook…

but now, the concept of mortality is bringing me down. mostly my own…but occasionally my dad’s (more on that later). there is so much i want to do with my life. at times i get that restless, breathless feeling, like i’ll never be able to do it all, there aren’t enough years, i’m not that young anymore…where does the time go?!

i try to prioritize the things i want to do (mainly cuz i love making lists), but I know I won’t be satisfied unless I get to do them ALL. problem is, many of my ‘wants’ contradict the others.

i want to own a home. craftsman. or maybe mediterranean? a victorian gingerbread looking house, perhaps? it needs to have character. lots. (since i’ve eliminated mine by customizing my nose) and hardwood floors that shine and never make my place feel cold (i swear every home i’ve been to with hardwood floors feels cold. always). i want a porch. with a rocking chair. that i can sit and read in. i want a library filled with first editions. AND the pretty pink covered books that i love (fact: if a book cover has pink, i’ll read it. yes, i judge books by their covers…but not people. usually).

i want more time to read. and write. i want to write my memoirs…without caring if anyone ever reads them. i want everyone to read them. i want to conquer my fear of karaoke (yes, i’ve done it. yes, it was awful. yes, i’m still petrified. and yes, there is video.)

i want to see the world. i want to save the world. i want to make a difference. i want to matter. i want to have a baby, but not at the expense of losing my own identity. i want to be the girl in the story. i want to be the girl he’s singing about. i want to be girly. i don’t want to be anyone, but me. i want to find someone who makes me the best version of me that i can be. i want to reconcile my fear of relationships with the idea of forever that i’ve harbored since i was a little girl. i want to get married. i want to believe that marriage can work. i want to marry someone i’ll never get tired of talking to. i want to not care about grammar. i want to learn to forgive, completely. i want to never ever feel resentful.

i want to learn from my mistakes. i don’t want to make mistakes. i want to cure cancer. i want louboutins, pink, studded, boots ~ any kind at all! i want to not care about material things. i want to fix all your problems. i want to be there for my friends. i want to be worth it. i want to live up to my potential.

(and i want to write about it all. for me. and for you.)

Posted on by shirindawna

boots. boots! Boots. BOOTS. BOOTS!

i’m obsessed. i’ve always loved boots, but this year i just can’t get enough (and i still love depeche mode, so what?). it’s tough to find the perfect boots, they’ve got to fit in the leg as well as the foot…but when you do ~ ahh, bliss! you feel like a sexy cinderella.

i’ve had cowboys, ankle ones, high ones, lace up, fur lined, studded, buckled, flats, hiking, rain ones, suede, and leather. so comfy (sometimes). so versatile (ALWAYS).

boots are the bessssst. i love wearing them with skinny jeans, leggings, sweater dresses, shorts and tights, miniskirts, a-lines, and nothing at all 😉

the only thing that gets me through the cold of the brutal san diego winters is knowing that i can rock my boots. all. the. time!

brrrrrrring on the brrs. i got my boots, boots, Boots, BOOTS, BOOTS!