a couple weeks ago i found myself in the midst of a pickle. regarding a boy. one from my past. after being away for nearly 2 years, he was back in sd (the city). and wanted to be in sd (the person ~ i’m crass, get over it). and while i had real feelings for said boy at one point, i found myself fairly uninterested in a reunion.

it seemed pointless to me. and i wondered if somehow i was operating out of fear. the thought of conquering any fears and his constant insistence that we meet up led me to finally agree. he wanted to come to my place (shocking, right? scumbag alert #1). i refused. and we settled upon a smoothie place. i was ordering when he arrived. he walked up & placed his order too. i already had my wallet out. he didn’t reach for his. (scumbag alert #2). now, don’t get me wrong…when it comes to boys i could date a prince or a pauper, makes no difference to me as long as he’s genuine. but i still think he should’ve sprung for the smoothie. and i was irritated that he didn’t. i may be crass, i may be too honest, but i’m still old-fashioned. i don’t kiss on first dates and think boys should pay for things (at least in the beginning…because everyone knows once i’m yours, i’ll give you everything in the world. except anal pleasure). and i’m worth it.

i was tempted to leave, but took a deep breath and decided to make the most of my brief time with him. it was a chilly day. we were sitting outside and it got breezy. he suggested we go to my place. NOT HAPPENING. so, then he suggested we sit in a warm car. i knew what he was hoping would happen, but i had goosebumps (from the cold. not him) and so i went with it…

what he had in mind was very different from what i had in mind. and i struggled to keep the conversation platonic and neutral. he could sense my frostiness. in fact, he once referred to me as an ‘ice queen.’ hardly! my real friends know i wear my heart on my sleeve and i’m always hopeful about the potential that exists within a connection. he couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that someone wouldn’t be interested in him. news flash: it takes more than a pretty face to enthrall me. then, i saw the lightbulb go off in his head ‘you met someone.’ umm, not so much. more like i got to know myself better. and what i need. and it wasn’t what was in front of me.

it struck me that this boy that i had once been so interested in wasn’t nearly as appealing as he had been. truth be told, i didn’t find him appealing at all. (the discovery of some ‘white lies’ he told didn’t help the matter. be honest, boys! ALWAYS. or you’ll lose a great thing. namely, me.)

the cucumber had soured. and would never be the same.