this is a hard one to write.
my head is still spinning and i don’t even know where to start, but writing is my therapy so i need to get it out…
earlier this week, someone i considered a close friend expressed that my public breastfeeding (of my almost 4 year old) makes her uncomfortable and voted that i wean my child. (it is an election year after all, things are gonna get weird).
i very clearly stated that i’m not at all uncomfortable. and there is no need to spend time with me if it’s an issue for her.
also, and here’s the part that matters to me, my body went through infertility. and cancer. it survived. and is alive! and i will never ever feel shame for using my breasts, AS INTENDED.
when i shared with her that this mattered to me deeply…that i still feel like my body failed me with cancer, and not being about to get and stay pregnant on my own. after miscarriages, and years, and tears, it’s finally something my body can do and provide for my child. i’m proud of that. i’m thrilled about that. i was not able to use my own eggs to have my child. i LOVE that my body produces milk and nourishment and comfort for him. her response was something along the lines of: my feelings are my own and not attached to your story.
true.
and so dismissive.
i don’t expect my friends to agree with every choice i make ~ that would be crazy…AND i was terribly hurt by the nature of her response. if your feelings are your own and you’re not attaching them to my story, then why did you feel the need to share with me? what exactly was the goal? if not to shame me and try and make me feel weird about my choices? (which i don’t. and won’t. i feel hurt and sad that a “friend” is so judgmental and quick to dismiss vulnerability.)
even more unfortunate is that my husband watched her roll her eyes the last time we were together and i breastfed my son.
(before you ask, yes. she’s a mom.)
the funny thing is, my husband always assumed someone would say something to me about breastfeeding at some point.
…we just NEVER ever thought it was going to come from someone who was inside our circle.
i honestly thought we were past the point of telling women what to do with their bodies. this will never compute for me. a completely asexual activity (literally, feeding my child) is somehow seen as something…inappropriate?
what a weird thing to care about.
so…where do we go from here?
sdinsd 
I love the mother you have become! I support you and am so proud of you for sharing your story (with the universe) and your breasts (with your child) as intended. Nature at its finest. Keep shining, writing, and nursing. Family is forever 🩷
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i love you! 🫶🏼🤱🏻
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Friends don’t judge friends who breastfeed…
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Does this friend hate all women? Or just you?
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I hate this for you.
This person doesn’t deserve your friendship.
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This says so much more about her than you
I can’t fathom ever dictating how someone else uses her body after surviving CANCER
Shame on her
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Wow. The audacity for her to even say something! It’s so beautiful that you’re breastfeeding. It’s the best thing for him. And she’s super ignorant.
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I can’t imagine criticizing a friend for their journey as a mother. Aren’t we passed that???
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Breastfeeding also lowers YOUR risk of getting cancer (again), so you get benefits along with your child. Keep going if it’s working for you!
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Breasts are intended to feed babies. With all our progress on feminist issues, how can such a simple biological imperative remain so stigmatized?
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It sounds like it’s time to make your circle a little smaller. Cut her loose! Real friends don’t treat each other like this.
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Do her kids eat processed foods? Food dye? Glyphosate? Seed oils?
…you know, things that are actually harmful.
If so, you should point out how uncomfortable it makes you.
You’re literally doing NOTHING WRONG.
Do not let this get to you.
I know it’s hard when it’s a friend, but this isn’t how friends treat each other. Motherhood is hard enough. Mom on mom crime is unnecessary.
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TREASON! What happened to the village?? We are intended to lift one another up as women and in motherhood
Furthermore, it’s giving internalized misogyny
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Oh, so she’s not “comfortable” with you breastfeeding your own child? Let me guess, the kid who chugs soda from a sippy cup or gnaws on candy in public doesn’t faze her, but your son getting actual nutrition? That’s where she draws the line. Maybe she should save that discomfort for things like people who talk loudly on speakerphone or wear socks with sandals, not a mom taking care of her child.
It’s funny how she’s uncomfortable, yet it’s not even her body or her child in the situation. Public breastfeeding isn’t the scandalous act she’s made up in her mind—it’s just biology doing its thing. But sure, let’s all tiptoe around her delicate sensibilities while your kid’s over here just thriving, hydrated, and happy.
Maybe she can get back to being “comfortable” with things that actually matter.
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Honestly, you gave your friend way too much grace here. Their discomfort with breastfeeding isn’t just a personal preference, it’s cultural insensitivity and straight-up ethnocentrism. They’re imposing their narrow worldview, assuming everyone should follow their standards, and dismissing a practice that’s normal in so many cultures. Instead of acknowledging diverse experiences, they acted like their way was the only right way. That’s not just uncomfortable; it’s judgmental and ignorant. They deserved to be called out for that, not let off easy. I wish you would’ve mentioned it all!
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gotta save something for the book…📝👩🏻💻
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